Most of the stories I have heard or read about parents going through with a divorce talk about how terrible and traumatizing it was for the narrator, the fights, the separation, and emotions are usually the main topic. While divorce isn’t ideal, it is complicated, messy and hard for everyone involved, it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Let me explain, my parents went through their divorce when I was young, I was an only child, so I don’t have memories of them together. For a long time, it sucked – they would fight over me, where I went and what I did. Then it stopped. When they figured out how to get along everything began to get better, my dad married my now step-mom, my mom had my brother and my dad and step-mom now have my youngest brother and only sister.

Without my parents going through the divorce so many things would be different, I wouldn’t have the siblings I do today, they’re my pride and joys, I want to be a better person for them, loving them has helped prepare me for children of my own one day. I don’t think I would have as good of relationships with my grandparents, visiting them was such a treat because for that weekend I didn’t have to worry about where I was or who I was missing, it was like a mini vacation! A vacation that helped me form a bond with my grandparents that I’ll always cherish.

I wouldn’t have the parents that I do today if they hadn’t prioritized their happiness and went through with the divorce. So to all of the parents, one day your kids will realize these things, that in the end, it wasn’t all bad. It will take a while, to get over the guilt that somehow as a child you caused the fights and disagreements that led to the separation, to get over the anger you feel at each parent when they put you in the middle to communicate back and forth, to stop feeling sorry for yourself that you are constantly missing one parent, family or house at one time, but they will eventually.

To all of the adults, young adults, teens, or children who have divorced parents or parents who are going through a divorce- it gets better, I promise. You’re allowed to cry, be sad, be mad, but don’t feel guilty, ashamed or think that any of this is your fault. This will only make you stronger in the end, divorce makes you independent and self-sufficient. Remember, while this isn’t ideal, it is real, it’s happening and you can sulk and let their divorce destroy you or look for the bright side. For me the bright side was my siblings, my dad finding Jesus again and turning away from alcohol, gaining a wonderful step-mother who loves me as her own, my mom becoming even stronger while finding herself, and giving me two families who love, cherish, and support me endlessly. Divorce doesn’t always have to end in destruction in pain, it can change your life for the better.