Going to Nashville is a testament to ignoring the doubts and limitations that so often plague our minds. There were so many times when I nearly didn't apply to Nashville, when I got rejected from music majors, choirs, orchestras, auditions and opera workshops because my skill level wasn't good enough or because I wasn't what they were looking for. Yet I got in to Nashville and I am to here to say that giving up on your dreams should not be an option for anyone, no matter what!

When my singing teacher told me about the Nashville study abroad program it wasn't the first time that I had heard about it, but I had never even considered applying myself! Some of my Malaysian friends had been to the program during multiple semesters and had a great time, but I’m nowhere near good enough, I thought. Yes, there is always the overpaid pop star speech once they've won awards for their music on how to never give up and to strive for your dreams. That's all fine and dandy, but in the long run it seems extremely unattainable from where I’m sitting.

I laughed when my singing teacher told me that he thought I should go. I laughed as memories of my music education rejections turned into thoughts over whether they would even consider such a failed applicant. There was no way they would accept me into a highly competitive music program. I got scolded by my music teacher who continued to tell me—as only he can, glasses sliding down the nose, eyes lowered, a knowing smirk spread across his wise old face—that I was being ridiculous. I nodded at his encouragement and starting playing with my fingers as they started to fidget near my side. It could be possible, I thought. My heart started to flutter as the exciting possibility before me took over my thoughts, right before self doubt got jealous and climbed back in again.

After my music teacher quit I also quit women's ensemble choir. Without any music classes I had more free time to spend at the music center after classes. After researching the music program in Nashville, Tennessee, I found that I wanted to apply to the artist track, where you write your own songs, form your own band and tour round different states with your own creations for your final exam. I started to understand more of the American dream philosophy! As a lot of the application consisted of your ability to write songs in order to prove your worthiness in the program, I scrutinized my previous songs over and over. As I mentioned in my last article, music and songwriting have always been great parts of my life, helping me through difficult times and celebrating moments that I couldn't otherwise express as best as I can when I put it into song. I scourged through my fading box of papers, each one with scribbled out lyrics, chord sequences and doodles, some papers stained with tears, others stuck back together from being torn apart. Stories of love, heartbreak, joy, excitement and overwhelming emotions.

My hands were shaking, my heart pounding. I couldn't get it out; there were so many emotions, but my fingers refused to play the sound I wanted. Clashing sounds screamed out my displeasure as my fists pounded into the keyboard. I had always loved singing and playing violin but had fallen behind in violin after moving so much. Piano became my next love, with a few lessons here or there. Guitar quickly followed as I taught myself through CDs, sitting on my bed, biting down on my nails trying to get a perfect sound. When the emotions become too heavy, I usually turn to piano and let my fingers do the work as my heart leads them. Yet often there are so many thoughts, I have to leave the visual world behind and close my eyes. You may wonder how I find the keys when my eyes are closed. I honestly highly recommend singing and playing music with your eyes closed. It's like you lose yourself in only the notes, other distractions falling away. I love to feel the sway of the music, the buzzing of the backboard from the keyboard vibrating and humming against my knees, the flow of a familiar song through my ready fingers.

The song I chose was one about love, a friendship destroyed by misconceptions and distance, turned into a song about perseverance and hope that continues through these trials. Would it be enough, I wondered? I have mostly taught myself piano. Would they dislike my style, my messy finger patterns, my bad sound quality, my mixed accent?

After pouring my heart out into the application, using every ounce of persuasion and explanation into just how much music has meant in my life, I had to leave it in God’s hands. I checked my email every day, my heart dropping slightly every time there was nothing there. I told people that if it wasn't to be it's because God wanted something else for me, but I knew it would devastate me if it was no.

The first line of the email said "Congratulations."

I read it over and over again, my heart doing double somersaults, my eyes tripping over each other. This wasn't real; there was no way they would pick me over other people, no way. Why me, how did I convince them, was it my accent, my explanations, both, neither? I told everybody I knew with such joy and excitement in my heart, explaining every time that I didn't understand why but that I was going to do it. I was going to live my dream for a whole semester. That is where this next adventure in my life begins: I am incredibly nervous, somewhat unprepared (especially in packing), excited, overwhelmed and expectant all at the same time. I would love to keep you all kept up to date with the ups and downs, the tears, the joy and everything in between as I begin this journey!

A little note to end:

After a while I started to realize that the reason I had been chosen for this program of a lifetime by the CMC (Contemporary Music Center) staff was not only because I deserved to be there, but because God knows our hearts desires and he also knows what's best for us. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. God does not turn away when we ask, but sometimes our desires aren't what is best for us, and I have seen that over and over again. Giving up in the face of rejection should not be our instinct because there will be five other doors that will fling open for us if we just look around you. God has a plan for your life just like he has for mine. Let Him take the wheel and steer you in the best direction for you and your life. For me, it wasn't the music department but something even better: Nashville. I couldn't see it at the time, but now that I do, I am so overwhelmed and grateful to have trusted this life change in God's capable hands.