We’ve all had it: the time when we have a problem that’s really affecting us, so we tell someone—and are promptly given the most inapplicable advice that we have ever received. Or we are discussing an important issue with someone, and their response completely misses our original point and addresses something we didn’t even talk about.

The truth is, not only have we all experienced this, we’ve likely all done this too.

We all have a desire to be heard. It’s a normal, good, valid thing that is part of being human. However, there are times when our desire to be heard gets put before our need to listen and allow another person to be heard. This unfortunately happens during a lot of critical times—moments when we are trying to comfort a friend or talk about serious issues. This can cause more damage than it gives help, and we wind up with things like this:

And this:

As most of us know, neither of these things are good.

This was evidently realized before now. Writers from biblical times gave us these words of wisdom:

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God," (James 1:19-20, ESV).

"Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him," (Proverbs 29:20).

"A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion," (Proverbs 18:2).

"If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame," (Proverbs 18:13).

Not only is knowing when to hold one’s tongue good practice, it is wise. Those who do not have this discernment are considered foolish. Ouch.

Looking at our world and people today, with all of its hurt, animosity and lack of understanding, we can see that this is a reality.

This does not mean that when presented with a problem or issue, we should never speak. That would be just as ridiculous and potentially harmful. We can provide words of comfort in difficult times; we can speak out on important issues that affect us; we can respond to others in an understanding and informed way. Speaking is not the issue, listening is. We can speak, but we should have a right understanding of what we are speaking about that comes from attentive, active listening.

Practically speaking, being quiet at the right time has benefits for all parties involved. For those opting for appropriate silence, they will gain a fuller understanding of what the other person is actually saying. This is useful in any situation. It can mean having a better idea of what someone needs, knowing which words are appropriate and which words are offensive, gaining new perspectives on an issue, knowing a better defense for one’s own argument and a lot more.

For the person who is being listened to, they can leave feeling satisfied that they were heard, feel comforted, receive relevant advice, engage in civil discourse or leave more informed.

Aside from the practical benefits of listening, there is an ethical component to it as well. We should listen to others because they have value and have things of value to say. Our listening acknowledges their worth and dignity as people and it shows that we are honoring them. Even if there were no practical advantages of listening to others, we should still do it because they are people.

Our ears and our mouths both have a purpose, and both have a time to be active. That may not be the same time, but using both appropriately can help us to have a better understanding of one another, and better conversations as a result. It is worth it to learn how to use them well.