Loving an addict isn’t actually loving an addict at all. Instead, you love the person you know they used to be. You hate the addict. You hate what their drug does to them. You hate what they have become. It’s hard to continue to love this person who wrongs you daily. It’s painful to watch them struggle to see through the fog of their drug. And most of all, it’s exhausting to continually put forth the effort required to love this person who loves their drug more than they love you.

Someone who’s never loved an addict, whether it’s a spouse, sibling, family member or friend, has no idea how hard it can be. We try so diligently to help them see what they are doing to themselves, but they simply won’t stop. It is heart-wrenching to see them go through this pain and know that they will never be the same person again. It’s hard knowing that no matter what you do or how hard you try they will always be an addict. Even if they get away from their drug they will always crave for it, and they will always be a product of what they did to themselves.

Watching a loved one destroy themselves and their lives is extremely painful. When you look into the eyes of someone you love and watch them choose their addiction over you, it’s heartbreaking. Words simply cannot explain that pain. This pain goes so deep into you that it literally breaks your heart. When your loved one seems to be coming out of their addiction, they slip right through your fingers and back into addiction again. This is more painful than the beginning because you feel so close to having them back again and then they are gone.

We try over and over again to help them, but after so many failed attempts we simply can’t go on. It’s not that we give up on them because that is the last thing we want to do. There is just only so much heartbreak that a person can take. And sometimes it hurts less to go without seeing and talking to our loved one then to continually see them fail and wrong us. We see them do so many things to hurt us and themselves that we simply are too tired to continue with them. We cut ties with them so they will release the anger on themselves that they had been releasing on us, and maybe see the light. We still love them, of course, but we are exhausted from all of the heartbreak and betrayals.

Loving an addict is hard, and no one said it was easy. But we get what we get, and regardless of what we want, this is our loved one. This is what they are, and we must continue to love them through all the struggles in their life. No matter how hard, painful, and exhausting it is to love an addict. They need us. They are not completely there right now, but when they overcome this addiction they will know that you were there for the whole way.