Would men go through rush if they had to spend a week dressing up, walking from house to house and "speed dating" with other men?
Day 1: Open House Round Dude, I could care less about your high school extra circulars on the debate team or the soccer team. The real question is how well can you hold your liquor? Have you ever played tipy cup? Do you have a girlfriend? Don't bring her with you to college, way too many hot girls.
Day 2: Philanthropy Day Yeah we help little kids and old people like once a year. Anyways, glad the creepy mouth breather didn't come back; what a geed. How has it only been an hour? The Rush Chair will not shut the hell up about philanthropy. They get it dude. You’re making us look like a bottom tier, sexless, boring house of nerds.
Day 3: House Tours This is where we eat drunk bowls of cereal at 3 a.m. That’s the couch a senior screwed on the first day of his freshman year. Twice. This is the room we pretend to study in around the Academic Chair. God the kid who claims his mom as his best friend just walked in. Took the Rush Chair about 30 seconds to lead him back to the door. And back to the dorms he goes.
Day 4: Pref Day Thank God. Finally the last damn day of rush. Can we get this shit over with and get back to drinking? The house looks like shit after the totally IFC legal-ran party last night. Looks like the new pledges have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Morale has dropped considerably and the Rush Chair won’t shut up about giving in. If they came back today that means they’re not total pussies. This last day couldn’t go on any longer, seriously has it been a freaking year yet?
Day 5: Bid Day Finally, we made it. Longest “alcohol-free” week of my life. Okay, so we got drunk every night after the freshmen left. But we could have been drinking all day if it weren’t for this shit. Point is we got pledges again. A solid group of them. Solid enough to clean up this s#*t hole and DD for the first party of the year. Welcome home pledges.