"Don't Recuse Yourself!"

Sessions recused himself from the investigation of Trump possibly colluding with Russian forces because he had met with Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak. He had denied having had meetings while under oath during his confirmation hearings, which is a big no no. Jeff Sessions recused himself, and in doing so, started the Mueller investigation, which has been the bane of Trump's existence ever since. Trump allegedly even asked Sessions to un-recuse himself because he so dreaded having an independent investigation.

"Shut Up, Magoo!"

Despite all other comedians making fun of Session's height, Trump has decided to mock his Mr. Magoo-ishness? According to sources in the White House, when Session isn't in the room, Trump refers to him as Magoo, which is such a burn, dude. Like, ow. Wowzers that smarts, Mr. President. How has Trump, whose Presidency is 80% cutting nicknames, come up with the weakest rude nickname, which also makes him look old?

Mr. Sessions looks nothing like Mr. Magoo; we all know that he looks like a wax statue that melted about halfway in the hot Southern Sun. He looks like a child that wished to be old, not Big. He looks like a Keebler Elf that had to be kicked out of the tree for having some "funny ideas."

"You Should End The Investigation!  but you don't have to"

Trump has bashed Sessions for months, but up until this month, he never outright asked him to end the investigation, which legally I can't say he did. Technically, because Trump said "should" and not "must," he didn't ask Sessions to end the Russia Probe, which is a point that his lawyers had to argue fiercely. If he had said "must," then he could be found guilty of obstruction of justice and impeached.

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"You Aren't In Control!"

Trump, in an interview with Fox, said, "I put in an Attorney General that never took control of the Justice Department." Sessions then put out a statement that said, "I am in charge and I'm doing awesome! I'm not going to let you bully me and the dope people I work with, you diseased womprat!"

OK, obviously I'm paraphrasing here, but Sessions stood up for himself, which is good because he rarely does so.

"Don't Charge My Buddies!"

Jeff Sessions decided to press charges on Representatives Duncan Hunter and Chris Collins. Hunter is accused of misusing campaign funds (hey that sounds familiar) and Collins is accused of insider trading. Trump decided to attack Sessions because of it, despite the fact that Jeff Sessions is very much a Conservative. Legal experts are baffled by how blatantly Trump is trying to misuse the power of the Presidency, some are even calling for impeachment. Good job, Don.

What This Means For Your Weekend

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If Trump fires Sessions, he risks opening himself up to impeachment for obstruction of justice as well as alienating Republican voters that support Sessions. So, he'd have to be pretty stupid to...

oh, right.

Well, at least he has a crack team of lawyers...

oh, right.