Imagine this, you’re single and working a job you only tolerate. Then one day you see an attractive man coming into work he tells you he will starting at your workplace in a few days. Now is the time to start planning. You already know all the guys at your work, and you aren’t interested. This is your one chance to trap a poor unsuspecting victim before they learn too much about your true personality.

Here is how to trick the new guy into believing you are a sane human being and, consequently, how to get him to date you.

1. Bring homemade cookies for everyone on his first day.

You appear giving and kind while also showcasing your ability to make yummy food. It’s a good way to start off the endeavor.

2. Makeup: wear it.

Don’t try too hard, but don’t appear as if you don’t care either. Light makeup that is natural or with a hint of color makes you subtly stand out.

3. Pretend to NEVER be irritated with customers, no matter what they’re doing.

You are the epitome of calm and professional. You are a beacon of light. You will not punch this awful customer in the face.

4. You should probably learn his name.

5. Wear flattering clothes without being obvious about trying.

Show your figure, but don’t make him or yourself uncomfortable.

6. Don’t bite your nails at work, lest he see your less desirable habits.

7. Always greet him when you come into work. Friendliness is key.

(Greet your other coworkers too, because it’s a nice thing to do and they’ll really appreciate the thoughtfulness.)

8. Pretend like you AREN’T watching his every move as he goes around doing his job.

9. Act like you are a normal human being.

This might be the most challenging step of them all. This means no talking about your weird family, failed weekend adventures where you ended up covered in pudding, how many pints of ice cream you consumed after your last relationship ended, etc.

10. Don’t make pterodactyl screeches when you drop something.

This will be the second most difficult step.

11. Don’t appear as if you’ve stalked his Facebook page for an accumulation of 28 hours.

But that hair cut from the ninth grade really was not flattering at all, you can be silently thankful that he grew out of that stage.

12. Only offer help if you ACTUALLY know what you’re doing.

He will not appreciate you telling him incorrect information even if you are just trying to be helpful.

13. Don’t talk to your friends at work about how long it’s been since you last shaved, just in case he overhears.

14. Ignore all the previous steps listed and just be yourself because you deserve someone who likes you for you, nail biting habits and all.

Never change for any guy, but it also wouldn’t hurt to wear makeup every once in awhile so that people stop asking if you’re getting sick (No sweetie, these dark circle are all natural. Be jealous.) Because, here’s the thing, if you don’t behave like yourself then how is the cute guy supposed to fall magically in love with you? Own your dark circles and coffee obsession. Maybe he really likes the fact that you own more books than clothes or that you couldn’t successfully plan any event even if your life depended on it.

But you probably should learn his name. People tend not to appreciate being addressed with “Hey you!”.