1- Okay the plane just shook, we’re definitely crashing.

2- Hurry up man, how long does it take for someone to go to the bathroom!

3- Shut up, you whiny baby.

I say as I, an adult, is whining to my mother about the baby, who cannot control itself.

4- There are no good movies on this plane.

Guess who's stuck watching Friends for the 50th time.

5- There are too many good movies on this plane.

Looks like I'm not getting any sleep on this 9 hour flight!

6- Wow the clouds are so pretty.

Gotta take a picture of that.

7- The dreaded shoulder sleeper strikes again.

8- *hopes that there are extra seats so that I can sleep without having to sit up*

My sleeping position must be comfortable, and by comfortable, I mean cramming myself on two seats with the seatbelt jabbing my sides and the turbulence waking me up every 5 seconds.

9- I’m such a rebel, my seatbelt isn’t fastened even though the seatbelt sign is on.

10- Planes just keep getting more and more uncomfortable.

11- I wonder where the left phalange would be if it existed.

12- This food is disgusting.

I'm in economy! I deserve better than this! Oh..Economy is the worst? Never mind.

13- Wow, I’m surprised by how great the food is here.

Mom, can you get the recipe?

14- It feels like I just ate a clump of salt.

Yummy. Getting my minerals in. Thanks airline food!

15- Wow these eggs look kind of weird. Wait...That’s bacon?

Yes I get it, I'm in economy, but I don't deserve to witness this utter disgrace to food!

16- Are we there yet?

Oh, 5 more hours you say? Wow, maybe I can get some work done, or start reading my new book *violently begins laughing*

17- That was the longest flight of my life.

Yes I know it was only two hours, but in dog years, that's a really long time, and so imagine if a dog was on this flight. Imagine how they would feel.

18- That was the shortest flight ever!

Thought no one ever.

19- I shouldn’t have eaten before getting on the plane.

20- I wish I ate before getting on this plane.

21- You mean to tell me that this 5 hour flight is only giving out peanuts and water?

The curse of flying economy strikes again.

22- Hey, I paid good money for this flight - you can afford to give me the whole can of Iced Tea.

23- Oh no, first the baby cries, and now there’s snoring?

24- *stares intensely at the flight map* Why is it taking us so long to cross this damn ocean?!

25- Why is there an ashtray in the bathroom if smoking is not permitted on this flight?

I demand answers.

26- I can hold it in until we land, I’m not that desperate.

27- Please bladder, I said to hold it in!

28- Why does it always feel like I’m about to die in an airplane bathroom?

29- Yes Hilda, I get it, the safety instruction card is located in the seat pocket.

30- Finally, back on the ground, where everything is nice and safe.

Except that there are way more car crashes in a single minute than there have been plane crashes in all of history (this is by no means an accurate statement, but I'm just saying).