If I have ever learned anything in this life, it is things can change in the blink of an eye. We never truly know what our day will have in store for us, whether it bring wonderful news or devastating news that can change our lives.
Ultimately we have no control of what goes on in this world and that is a good reason to rely on faith, family, friends and passions to help us get through this short life. Time will fly by, and you don't always get to do everything twice, or tell that person you loved them just one more time. These are the trials and tribulations of losing a loved one.
There are some days that I do not have a care in the world, and everything could be going perfect. Suddenly I could see that specific thing, hear that song, hear their name, and I will instantly think of the person I lost. However, this does not mean that you have to become sad, upset, or angry. I have lost multiple people in my life that were close to me over the years (I will not be listing any names or relationships for personal reasons) and there really is a process to coping and dealing within yourself to make the grieving process the best you can possibly make it.
First and foremost do not hold your emotions in for long periods of time. This will ultimately lead to an implosion to where your emotions will be so overwhelming that you could do anything almost spontaneously without any disregard. I have been at this point and good things will never come from it.
Physical activity, hanging out with your friends and family, talking to someone (when you are ready), cooking a meal you've never had, exploring places you are curious about, laughing at something completely stupid, spoil yourself (every once in a while), do a good deed for someone you have never met. There are so many ways to take out your emotions in a healthy way and this does not apply to just people that have lost ones, this can be for anything.
Secondly, it is okay to be sad. Nothing to be ashamed of at all because it is entirely natural. Cry it out in private, pray about it, talk about it to someone you trust or a therapist, once again when you are ready. Do not let anyone ever tear you down for how you feel about something. No one will know what you are going through, and they never will because that is only something you will know. Personally, I strongly dislike when people tell me they know how I feel. They may be able to relate to it, or something similar may have happened to them, but everyone reacts to things differently and that is exactly how it is supposed to be. So no, you do not know what I am going through or how I feel.
If there is ever a day where you just completely shut down and don't know what to do that is entirely normal. These are almost expected, and they will come about, hopefully rarely. There is something that I feel very strongly about if I were to tell people about a tragedy that has happened in my life. I do not want your pity, I do not want anyone to feel bad for me, but if I have a bad day, you know why and do not give me hell for not being in the best mood.
Some people feel emotionless or numb after a tragedy, and they do not cry whatsoever. This is another absolutely normal thing and applies to me more so than any of the other reactions. Some people would like to think that would make you heartless, or not care about what happened. This maybe one of the most false assumptions ever. People that don't show anything, feel the same amount of pain as others who show all their feelings to the world, if not deeper. We all have different ways of the grieving process, respect that.
Do not ever be afraid to ask for help and don't lose sight of what is important in your life. Don't block off the people that you care about, and do not stop taking care of yourself and what needs to be done. The person you lost would not want you to stop your life entirely because they are gone. If you were looking them in the face at this moment talking to them, do you think they would be happy with you stalling your life?
This is also very important: do not mask the pain with alcohol or drugs. This can only put a temporary numbness to your pain. You would actually be making things extremely worse and the person you lost would be very sad that this is how you were dealing with things. There are a million better things you can be doing that are better than that, as I listed above.
Last but not least, give yourself time to heal. No one expects you to be perfect, and you certainly should not hold yourself to that standard, because no one is. This is the most cliche saying and sometimes I hate it, but I still believe it is true: everything happens for a reason. You may find out tomorrow or you may never find out, but your struggle builds your character, makes you stronger and turns you into the person you are supposed to be.
This is not a timed process, there is not a guide book, or an instructional kit. Take everything at your own speed and know you are allowed to take as much time to heal as you need. Don't for a second think you can not go back to normal after the saddening event in your life. For one, there is no such thing as normal, and normal is also overrated.
The trials and tribulations of losing a loved one may or may not be the hardest thing you ever go through. The process is truly a beautiful struggle that you will never forget and never want to go through again. Just know, you are a warrior and you have made it this far, you will succeed in facing the uphill battle, and you will make your loved one proud. Their memory will live on forever through you.
