Imagine waking up every morning exhausted as you were before you went to bed.

Your eyes are dry, crusted, and heavy and all you want to do is go back to sleep. Maybe you have encountered that. Most people do become tired in the afternoon, and usually after they eat lunch.

That kind of sleepy is normal. But to have fatigue allllll day is certainly not. I even used to miss school because some days got rough for me. It's the absolute worst- to have unexplainable fatigue. Most of the time, my To Do List remains untouched. And I try. I do. I have so much in me.

I’ll have a brief moment during the day in which I obtain enough energy to be able to something done or watch a movie or a show. That’s really the only time and it’s usually late. My friends and family probably get tired themselves watching me drag around all day and reply with “oh I’m just tired” whenever they ask how I’m doing.

When I used to be in high school, I would be at the gym every other day doing cardio, training for the tennis season. On the courts, I’d constantly be on my feet, which is why I had to stay hydrated. Even though I maintained a healthy relationship with drinking plenty of water and exercising, I still felt like I was worn out. I believe the culprit here is when I came down with mono (mononucleosis) when I was a wee freshman.

The one time I drank from the grungy fountain, I ended up getting diagnosed with the kissing disease. And no, I didn’t get it from kissing anyone. At the time, I did have a boyfriend and he was A-OK. After going through a sick spell for two long weeks of constant sleep, drowning in Fruit Punch Gatorade, and an unbearable sore throat, the doctor told me it’s a great possibility to have chronic fatigue. Lo and behold, here I am. I can’t even go a day without taking a nap and if I don’t have the time to lay down, I try to take a 10-25 minute power-nap. If I have absolutely no time, I’m not myself.

I have to rely on caffeine to feel rejuvenated. Ever since I discovered the true power of coffee during my senior year of high school, I cannot go without it. I feel like some mornings it would be more efficient to have a Keurig on my nightstand to get me out of bed faster. You think I’m kidding but I’m really not. I wish I was. You might just say, “maybe your iron levels are low” but in this case, I have taken both iron and Vitamin B supplements and I still feel the same way.

Currently in my sophomore year in college, I’m obviously less active than I was in my younger years, due to a shift of priorities. It’s not like I don’t care to exercise, I do. I just don’t have enough time or the energy to. And it's not like a party every other night like most college students do. When I’m done work or class, I’m not exactly motivated to stop by the gym to work just as hard as I just did mentally if that makes sense.

All I’m saying here is that I’m tired of being tired and if I get the opportunity to relax, you must know I’m relaxing. I'll even turn down invites to hang out with friends because of this. It's not that I don't want to be around them. I want to be able to live. In all ways possible. I want to be able to go skiing, rock-climbing, and scuba-diving in clear water.

I want to be able to see the world one day and explore even the tiniest of towns. Thinking about it is all well and good, but what about actually doing it? What if I never do? What if I'm never really up for it? I don't want to come off as that boring girl that never wants to try anything out of her comfort zone. And maybe a fraction of my problem is anxiety.

I hope that my fatigue doesn't define me now and for the rest of my life. I want to be full of life, energy, and crazy stories. I don't want to be stuck hearing about them; I want to tell them. I want to meet new people and let them take me on journeys. I want to be spontaneous.

I feel bad that my friends are always trying to get me to do fun and adventurous things like going out late at night, exploring Philly, taking photo-shoots, and snowboarding. I hope that they never give up on me because I really do appreciate them for caring. There are

I’m just unutterably nervous that I’ll be like this for the rest of my life. If you have gotten to know me, you would know that I’m a career driven individual, and you simply can’t mix busy and sleepy into one person. They wouldn’t be able to function right, which is why I’m steady praying for energy and endurance so that I’ll be able to persevere and figure out something. I mean, I have goals. And lots of them. On days that I feel nothing but sluggish, I motivate myself solely by picturing myself in the future. It's all mental for me.