You were my everything; my best friend, my soul mate, my laughing partner, my TV show partner. You told me stories of forever, and we made plans for our forever life. We made promises; promises to go to each other’s family's houses more, promises that we would have simple decor in our apartment, promises of a life together. Most of all, you told me that you loved me and that I was perfect for you. But one day, that all changed.

That one day, where everything was flipped upside down. It’s a day I could never forget. I remember sitting there after the phone call, confused and wondering where it all went wrong. You made me contemplate if I should’ve been less hard on you about video games, ordering pizza 24/7, or ignoring me when I called you. You made me question a lot. Mostly I questioned everything you had ever told me. I didn’t just learn to not trust you, but you broke my faith in men.

It took me a while to figure myself out and I might’ve broken a few hearts along the way (I’m super sorry about that). But after some time, I finally mended the heart you left in pieces when you said I was no longer, “what you wanted in a life partner.” I finally began picking up the pieces that you left, showing no remorse. The pieces that you’d conveniently “helped” pick up when you were lonely, only to throw them back down once you felt satisfied. Now that I’ve figured this all out, I actually want to thank you for teaching me a few things:

Love is about give and take.

It’s not always what one person wants. I don’t know how many times I felt like I was compromising myself to be who you needed me to be or compromising the things I wanted just to avoid a fight. That’s not how a relationship should be. Yes, occasionally one might forgo a certain want to appease the other, but for the most part, it’s compromising. It’s getting what you want but also giving what the other person wants. To fix our problems with communication and understanding what the other wants.

Relationships shouldn’t be one sided.

I remember spending hours and hours trying to cheer you up or thinking of cute anniversary things. Or just taking time out of my day to let you know that I cared. When the opportunity came for you to show some level of affection (I’m not expecting excessive types of affection here), you didn’t. Being in a relationship means showing the other you care. That means giving your attention to someone when they call or spending a little extra time to cheer them up when they’re down, or just being nice. I thought our dynamic was normal, that it was normal to be the only one doing these “cute” things. Thanks for teaching me to never accept that again.

Relationships are about communication.

Bottled up feelings were the gasoline to almost every fight we had. I always expressed why I was upset and you’d just say sorry. Or you’d be upset and would not tell me anything. Like clockwork, I could almost figure out to a T when we were going to have a big fight. They would just explode, which isn’t healthy. Feelings may not be my next person’s strong suit, but I hope to God they at least tell me when something is wrong. Because it is the worst feeling when someone explodes on you with no warning and you can’t quite figure out what you did wrong.

Never settle when you are unhappy.

It took me awhile after you left to realize how unhappy I was with you. I would just credit it to you being busy at work and that’s why we were fighting so much. I didn’t realize the whole time that I had become a less happy version of myself. I thought I was just stressed from class or stressed from work. But once I got past that initial awful phase of getting over you, it was clear to see that my mood had vastly improved. I don’t know at which point I had settled with this, or if I had just chosen to compartmentalize because I thought I couldn’t live without you. But because of you, I now know that no matter the circumstances I will leave if I’m unhappy; regardless of fear.

That I’m better than this.

You may have left me broken, feeling unwanted and not good enough. But if I could tell myself what I know now, it is that I’m too good to be treated like that. I’m better than a break-up phone call and a few depressing texts. I would tell myself that I have more self-worth than to wait around for a guy who doesn’t notice the amazing person that I am. I would tell myself that I am enough and that one day when the timing is right, I will find a man who will love me harder than you ever did. Now I am able to love myself more because I know my worth and expect someone else to recognize it.

I never thought I would be thanking anyone for breaking my heart. But here I am, writing you a letter. I am not the same person you left behind. I am stronger, and I will never be that woman again. I will never be your person again, and you want to know what? I’m OK with that because I will find someone much better than you ever were to me. I’m OK, and that’s all I need to be right now. So thank you for ending something I never knew I needed to end.