(Just a preface: this will be discussing general anxiety, not any specific anxiety disorders. Stay tuned, though!)
If you missed my first article in the series that aims to bring some transparency to the myths and mysteries behind mental illness, check it out here: it discusses addiction.
This week, however, I want to lift the veil on anxiety. Probably the diamond earrings of mental illness, it seems like whenever basic b*****s want to add some texture to their personality, it's the go-to accessory. I'm not discrediting the large population that genuinely suffers from anxiety, but we all know that person that wears labels like brand clothing. I'll go into more depth about throwing illnesses around as adjectives in a further article, but this is simply to say that anxiety is widely misunderstood as an annoying case of the nerves rather than the disabling disease it really is.
Drawing on my own experience, as well as a few friends and relatives, I hope this article enlightens those who may not credit anxiety as a serious handicap on not only what anxiety is, but how to help someone with it as well.
"Some days are fine. Some days I'm on top of the world. Other days it's a struggle to get myself out of bed." —Em
My friend, we'll refer to her as Em, was willing to share her experiences of living with anxiety. Living with a specific type of anxiety disorder myself, it was interesting to hear where our anxiety seems to overlap and where it diverged. In both cases, the foundational symptoms and cognitive distortions remain the same. Put the way my psychiatrist explained it, "Basically, anxiety disorders is just, well, anxiety... on steroids."
Much like with depression, anxiety can feel like a roller coaster. The scary thing about anxiety is that the trigger doesn't have to be tangible. Worrying about worrying creates anxiety which makes us f***ing worry about how anxious we are. As postmodernist Zizek would say, it is a type of systemic violence of which our bodies and brain chemistry submit us too.
"I love the good days, but who wouldn't? The problem with the good days is that even they contribute to my anxiety. On a good day, it's like I have "background anxiety" wondering what will go wrong next." —Em
Many close friends wrote to me offering their experiences of living with social anxiety and how it really isolates them from others every day. One friend expressed guilt for the dissipating of one of her closest friendships, only because she was not yet willing to confront this social anxiety demon that had been with her for so many years.
"On a bad day, that's a different story. It's like my heart is racing too fast, I worry about things that are incredibly unreasonable. It's the kind of worry that eats at you, the I-can't-focus-on-anything-but-this worry." -Em
One of the biggest triggers for my personal anxiety is hospitals. Specifically, one case that happens (more than you would think) being the smell of rubbing alcohol. It will legitimately send me into an automatic panic attack. Once, someone told me to just "calm the f**k down, and not worry so much." The thing is, anxiety isn't something you just get over or forget. It stays underneath your skin, crawling through your bloodstream. Every now and then the jagged edge of reality will cut that shield of flesh and you will bleed. To those suffering from any degree of anxiety, please know that this anxiety is a part of you, and though you may not be able to cure it, there are steps to take to mitigate some of the symptoms.
"The worst part about anxiety is that anxiety gives you anxiety. It's a sick cycle. I have anxiety about getting help. Anxiety about judgment for the types of medications I would be on. Anxiety of the stigma. Anxiety because of society." —Em
This is the part of Em's testimony that, sadly, didn't come as a shock to me; I know the feeling of being treated as inferior because of my mental health. I can say that, as a previous critic of therapy, I wish my ignorant ass had been enlightened on the healing it can bring. I'm nearly six months into therapy, and though my anxiety and OCD is still prevalent in day-to-day living, I feel like a healthier and fresher version of myself. As Em states, there are good days and there are bad days. Therapy is there to walk you through the bad days. There shouldn't be a stigma around the fact that some people's brains' need extra help or redirection to work in safe and productive manner.
We are not broken people. Say it again — We are not broken people.
