Here Are 192 Quotes From The 'The Office', And Every Single One Will Leave You 'Satisfied And Smiling'
Just the absolute best one-liners from the whole series.
" The Office" is one of the most well-known shows and has produced some of the best one-liners of any show. Here is every episode of "The Office" summarized with a one-liner from the episode.
1. Season 1, Episode 1: "Pilot".
"I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third." --Michael Scott
2. Season 1, Episode 2: "Diversity Day".
"Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace."—Michael Scott
3. Season 1, Episode 3: "Health Care".
"And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train."—Jim Halpert
4. Season 1, Episode 4: "The Alliance".
"I'm trying to write something funny here, what am I going to do with a removed uterus?" —Michael Scott
5. Season 1, Episode 5: "Basketball".
" God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head." —Jim Halpert
6. Season 1, Episode 6: "Hot Girl".
"The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts... not for me, for my children." —Dwight Schrute
7. Season 2, Episode 1: "The Dundies".
"It was the 05/05/05 party, it happens once every billion years." —Michael Scott
8. Season 2, Episode 2: "Sexual Harassment".
"You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another." —Michael Scott
9. Season 2, Episode 3: "Office Olympics".
"This scented candle...andle...andle, that I found in the men's bathroom...room...room, represents the eternal burning of competition... or something." —Jim Halpert
10. Season 2, Episode 4: "The Fire".
"Ryan started the fire, it was always burning since the world was turning!" —Dwight Schrute
11. Season 2, Episode 5: "Halloween".
"I'm guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes." —Pam Beesly
12. Season 2, Episode 6: "The Fight".
"I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." —Michael Scott
13. Season 2, Episode 7: "The Client".
"Chili's is the new golf course, it's where business happens." —Michael Scott
14. Season 2, Episode 8: "Performance Review".
"Well, last year my performance started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds." —Pam Beesly
15. Season 2, Episode 9: "Email Surveillance".
"I would not miss it for the world, but if something else came up, I would definitely not go." —Michael Scott
16. Season 2, Episode 10: "Christmas Party".
"Well happy birthday Jesus, sorry your party's so lame." —Michael Scott
17. Season 2, Episode 11: "Booze Cruise".
"The word 'ship' is hidden in side the word 'leadership,' as its... derivation." —Michael Scott
18. Season 2, Episode 12: "The Injury".
"Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot." —Michael Scott
19. Season 2, Episode 13: "The Secret".
"I will have a chicken breast, hold the chicken." —Michael Scott
20. Season 2, Episode 14: "The Carpet".
"I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away." —Michael Scott
21. Season 2, Episode 15: "Boys and Girls".
"Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?" —Michael Scott
22. Season 2, Episode 16: "Valentine's Day".
"You can't fire me just because Michael isn't here, Dwight." —Pam Beesly
23. Season 2, Episode 17: "Dwight's Speech".
"I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom." —Dwight Schrute
24. Season 2, Episode 18: "Take Your Daughter to Work Day".
"Jesus could come through that door, he's not going to help you, if you don't stop sniffing after my child!" —Stanley Hudson
25. Season 2, Episode 19: "Michael's Birthday".
"It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment, when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal." —Dwight Schrute
26. Season 2, Episode 20: "Drug Testing".
"This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children." —Michael Scott
27. Season 2, Episode 21: "Conflict Resolution".
"I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at sixty pounds per square inch." —Dwight Schrute
28. Season 2, Episode 22: "Casino Night".
"Thanks, I've never owned a refrigerator before." —Creed Bratton
29. Season 3, Episode 1: "Gay Witch Hunt".
"Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online." –Dwight Schrute
30. Season 3, Episode 2: "The Convention".
"Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry." –Michael Scott
31. Season 3, Episode 3: "The Coup".
"I know that patience and loyalty are good and virtuous traits but sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair." –Angela Martin
32. Season 3, Episode 4: "Grief Counseling".
"He's finished work, he's on his way home, WHAM, his cappa is detated from his head!" –Michael Scott
33. Season 3, Episode 5: "Initiation".
"Jan used to treat Michael like he was a ten-year-old, but lately, it's like he's five." –Pam Beesly
34. Season 3, Episode 6: "Diwali".
"Lot of gods with unpronouncable names, twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially a Hindu Halloween." –Michael Scott
35. Season 3, Episode 7: "Branch Closing".
"The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh and Josh is giving away the garage to Bob Vance." –Michael Scott
36. Season 3, Episode 8: "The Merger".
"Dwight might have won the battle, but I will win...the next battle." –Andy Bernard
37. Season 3, Episode 9: "The Convict".
"The worst thing about prison was the dementors." –Michael Scott
38. Season 3, Episode 10: "A Benihana Christmas".
"It's a bold move to photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father." –Jim Halpert
39. Season 3 , Episode 11: "Back from Vacation".
"The Jamaicans don't have a word for 'impossible.'" –Michael Scott
40. Season 3, Episode 12: "Traveling Salesman".
"You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice... strike three." –Michael Scott
41. Season 3, Episode 13: "The Return".
"I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me." –Dwight Schrute
42. Season 3, Episode 14: "Ben Franklin".
"Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever." –Michael Scott
43. Season 3, Episode 15: "Phyllis's Wedding".
" It's a big day for Phyllis, but it's an even bigger day for me, employer of the bride." –Michael Scott
44. Season 3, Episode 16: "Business School".
"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." –Dwight Schrute
46. Season 3, Episode 18: "The Negotiation".
"So I don't think that this is totally just a women's suit, at the very least it's bisexual." –Michael Scott
47. Season 3, Episode 19: "Safety Training".
"Dwight you ignorant slut!" –Michael Scott
48. Season 3, Episode 20: "Product Recall".
"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim!" –Dwight Schrute
49. Season 3, Episode 21: "Women's Appreciation".
"Sometimes the clothes at GAP Kids are just too flashy so I'm forced to go to the American Girl Store and order clothes for large, colonial dolls." –Angela Martin
50. Season 3, Episode 22: "Beach Games".
"About forty times a year, Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms." –Pam Beesly
52. Season 4, Episode 1: "Fun Run".
"One day Michael came in, complaining about a speed bump, on the highway... I wonder who he ran over then." —Jim Halpert
53. Season 4, Episode 2: "Dunder Mifflin Infinity"
"Where are the turtles?" —Michael Scott
54. Season 4, Episode 3: "Launch Party".
"I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise." —Dwight Schrute
56. Season 4, Episode 5: "Local Ad".
"I find the mystery genre disgusting, I hate being titillated." —Angela Martin
57. Season 4, Episode 6: "Branch Wars".
"The eye are the groin of the head." —Dwight Schrute
58. Season 4, Episode 7: "Survivor Man".
"It's better to get hurt by someone you know accidentally then by a stranger on purpose." —Dwight Schrute
59. Season 4, Episode 8: "The Deposition".
"You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend." —Michael Scott
60. Season 4, Episode 9: "Dinner Party".
"Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a month plus benefits salary, babe!" —Michael Scott
61. Season 4, Episode 10: "The Chair Model".
"Hello Oscar Meyer Wiener -lover." —Michael Scott
62. Season 4, Episode 11: "Night Out".
" Oh my God, Mom I've gotta go one of my friends is getting beat up by some girls!" —Michael Scott
63. Season 4, Episode 12: "Did I Stutter?".
"It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist."—Michael Scott
64. Season 4, Episode 13: "Job Fair".
"So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try." —Jim Halpert
65. Season 4, Episode 14: "Goodbye Toby".
"The two levels being, welcome to Scranton and I love you." —Michael Scott
66. Season 5, Episode 1: "Weight Loss: Part 1".
"One more bite of eclair each, hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow it." —Dwight Schrute
67. Season 5, Episode 2: "Weight Loss: Part 2".
"Pam, will you marry me?" —Jim Halpert
68. Season 5, Episode 3: "Business Ethics".
"When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days." —Michael Scott
69. Season 5, Episode 4: "Baby Shower".
"If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war." —Michael Scott
70. Season 5, Episode 5: "Crime Aid".
"So much for sex without consequences." —Michael Scott
71. Season 5, Episode 6: "Employee Transfer".
"If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance." —Andy Bernard
72. Season 5, Episode 7: "Customer Survey".
"Buttlicker, our prices have never been lower!" —Dwight Schrute
73. Season 5, Episode 8: "Business Trip".
"A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha." —Michael Scott
74. Season 5, Episode 9: "Frame Toby".
"Since when is it illegal to put caprese salad anywhere?"—Michael Scott
75. Season 5, Episode 10: "The Surplus".
"Look, I really need this new chair. I mean, seriously, how is it possible that in five years I've had two engagement rings, and only one chair?" —Pam Beesly
76. Season 5, Episode 11: "Moroccan Christmas".
"What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?" —Michael Scott
77. Season 5, Episode 12: "The Duel".
"Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season."—Dwight Schrute
78. Season 5, Episode 13: "Prince Family Paper".
"A painting, can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting." —Kevin Malone
79. Season 5, Episode 14: "Stress Relief: Part 1".
"You are black, Stanley!" —Michael Scott
80. Season 5, Episode 15: "Stress Relief: Part 2".
"Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks." —Michael Scott
81. Season 5, Episode 16: "Lecture Circuit: Part 1".
"Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's." —Dwight Schrute
82. Season 5, Episode 17: "Lecture Circuit: Part 2".
"Jabba the Hut, Pizza the Hut, fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza-- pepperoni Tony!" —Michael Scott
83. Season 5, Episode 18: "Blood Drive".
"Feel a little lopsided becasue of all the blood they took out of my right side." —Dwight Schrute
84. Season 5, Episode 19: "Golden Ticket".
"Put your heart out there like that, it's liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick where it has barbecue sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that!" —Andy Bernard
85. Season 5, Episode 20: "New Boss".
"Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability." —Michael Scott
86. Season 5, Episode 21: "Two Weeks".
"Any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife." —Dwight Schrute
87. Season 5, Episode 22: "Dream Team".
"I mean I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, half-heatedly." —Jim Halpert
88. Season 5, Episode 23: "The Michael Scott Paper Company".
"When I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated and your skin flushed and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis." —Dwight Schrute
89. Season 5, Episode 24: "Heavy Competition".
"IT's like a girl says she'll make out with you but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon." —Michael Scott
90. Season 5, Episode 25: "Broke".
"Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick." —Ryan Howard
91. Season 5, Episode 26: "Casual Friday".
"This is awkward to talk about but there may or may not be but definitely is a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now." —Jim Halpert
92. Season 5, Episode 27: "Cafe Disco".
"It is a daytime disco on the ground floor of an industrial office building." —Michael Scott
93. Season 5, Episode 28: "Company Picnic".
"Michael ate an entire, family-sized chicken pot pie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5pm." —Jim Halpert
94. Season 6, Episode 1: "Gossip".
"Who's been saying there's another person inside of me, working me with controls!?" —Kevin Malone
95. Season 6, Episode 2: "The Meeting".
"Here you will find here a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I believe you will find both challenging and delicious." —Andy Bernard
96. Season 6, Episode 3: "The Promotion".
"Con, you unzip your pants and you find that there's a calculator down there." —Michael Scott
97. Season 6, Episode 4: "Niagara : Part 1".
"It's after midnight, you're married!" —Michael Scott
98. Season 6, Episode 5: "Niagara: Part 2".
"And Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago; pretty much the day I met her." —Jim Halpert
99. Season 6, Episode 6: "Mafia".
"Push free plate 'till tomorrow morning." —Michael Scott
100. Season 6, Episode 7: "The Lover".
"Don't call my mother your lover!" —Pam Halpert
101. Season 6, Episode 8: "Koi Pond".
"I'm not usually the butt of the joke, I'm usually the face of the joke." —Michael Scott
102. Season 6, Episode 9: "Double Date".
"Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore?" —Dwight Schrute
103. Season 6, Episode 10: "Murder".
"One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them." —Jim Halpert
104. Season 6, Episode 11: "Shareholder Meeting".
"If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!" —Dwight Schrute
105. Season 6, Episode 12: "Scott's Tots".
"I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous." —Michael Scott
106. Season 6, Episode 13: "Secret Santa".
"You can't yell out 'I need this I need this' as you pin down an employee on your lap." —Jim Halpert
107. Season 6, Episode 14: "The Banker".
"The principles that I'm applying to the office are the same ones that made Lady Gaga a star." —Michael Scott
108. Season 6, Episode 15: "Sabre".
"Gabe seems tall, hope we get along." —Michael Scott
109. Season 6, Episode 16: "Manager and Salesman".
"They love a good crotch." —Jo Bennett
110. Season 6, Episode 17: "Delivery: Part 1".
"Pregnant Pam and I, we get hungry at the same times so we've been eating together a lot." —Kevin Malone
111. Season 6, Episode 18: "Delivery: Part 2".
"Wrong baby, this is not our baby!" —Pam Halpert
112. Season 6, Episode 19: "St. Patrick's Day".
"It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas." —Michael Scott
113. Season 6, Episode 20: "New Leads".
"Stop sexting Pam, I'm trying to congratulate you." —Michael Scott
114. Season 6, Episode 21: "Happy Hour".
"And I'm like I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy but this is just a porch without a roof." —Darryl Philbin
115. Season 6, Episode 22: "Secretary's Day".
"In the foster home my hair was my room." —Erin Hannon
116. Season 6, Episode 23: "Body Language".
"If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable of my own destruction, I'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate." —Dwight Schrute
117. Season 6, Episode 24: "The Cover Up".
"The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news." —Dwight Schrute
118. Season 6, Episode 25: "The Chump".
"You say radon is silent but deadly and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth?" —Michael Scott
119. Season 6, Episode 26: "Whistleblower".
"My mind is going a mile an hour." —Michael Scott
120. Season 7, Episode 1: "Nepotism".
"I've got fifty six ounces of fluid in my bladder, and we have to establish a pee corner!" —Dwight Schrute
121. Season 7, Episode 2: "Counseling".
"I talk a lot so I've learned to just tune myself out." —Kelly Kapoor
122. Season 7, Episode 3: "Andy's Play".
"Why are you dressed like a seed cataloge model?" —Dwight Schrute
123. Season 7, Episode 4: "Sex Ed".
"Well, he had no arms or legs, and he couldn't see, hear or speak... and that's how he led a nation." —Michael Scott
124. Season 7, Episode 5: "The Sting".
"I take spinning classes, three times a month, I think I know how to ride a bike." —Michael Scott
125. Season 7, Episode 6: "Costume Contest".
"Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other." —Michael Scott
126. Season 7, Episode 7: "Christening".
"It's not just a day for Jim and Pam, or for the baby, or for me." —Michael Scott
127. Season 7, Episode 8: "Viewing Party".
"Well, I think "enemy" is a strong word, because I think we have a really charming back and forth." —Jim Halpert
128. Season 7, Episode 9: "WUPHF.com".
"Toby is the instruction card you throw away." —Michael Scott
129. Season 7, Episode 10: "China".
"Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is." —Dwight Schrute
130. Season 7, Episode 11: "Classy Christmas: Part 1".
"How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future?" —Michael Scott
131. Season 7, Episode 12: "Classy Christmas: Part 2".
"In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all, it's fear." —Dwight Schrute
132. Season 7, Episode 13: "The Ultimatum".
"And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down." —Michael Scott
133. Season 7, Episode 14: "The Seminar".
"There's a 'Shrek 2'?" —Erin Hannon
134: Season 7, Episode 15: "The Search".
"Space Orphan and Princess Nincompoop are off to rescue Michael!" —Dwight Schrute
135: Season 7, Episode 16: "PDA".
"Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and the office is like the dragon that kept them apart." —Michael Scott
136. Season 7, Episode 17: "Threat Level Midnight".
"Joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist." —Michael Scott
137. Season 7, Episode 18: "Todd Packer".
"I have very little patience for stupidity." —Kevin Malone
138. Season 7, Episode 19: "Garage Sale".
"Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?" —Michael Scott
139. Season 7, Episode 20: "Training Day".
"Now I'm going to have to go online and look at turtles or else I'm going to be off the whole day." —Michael Scott
140. Season 7, Episode 21: "Michael's Last Dundies".
"Um, I wanna dedicate this award to something that uh... we take for granted in our daily lives, and that is the humble trash can." —Dwight Schrute
141. Season 7, Episode 22: "Goodbye, Michael".
"T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink." —Michael Scott
142. Season 7, Episode 23: "The Inner Circle".
"Uh oh, this former Administrative Assistant misspelled "Administrative" and "Assistant"." —Jim Halpert
143. Season 7, Episode 24: "Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager".
"Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him." —Erin Hannon
144. Season 7, Episode 25: "Search Committee: Part 1".
"Bread is the paper of the food industry." —Dwight Schrute
145. Season 7, Episode: "Search Committee: Part 2".
"No, I want you to say that you think the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person." —Pam Halpert
146. Season 8, Episode 1: "The List".
"It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees... And shove it up your butt!" —Stanley Hudson
147. Season 8, Episode 2: "The Incentive".
"There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional." —Robert California
148. Season 8, Episode 3: "Lotto".
"They're is more of a, physical intelligence." —Dwight Schrute
149. Season 8, Episode 4: "Garden Party".
"You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party." —Andy Bernard
150. Season 8, Episode 5: "Spooked".
"And every year, he says the same thing: "As soon as I get my weapons back, I'm gonna kill you."" —Toby Flenderson
151. Season 8, Episode 6: "Doomsday".
"I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow, because she's gonna be screaming it tonight." —Gabe Lewis
152. Season 8, Episode 7: "Pam's Replacement".
"I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction." —Dwight Schrute
153. Season 8, Episode 8: "Gettysburg".
"Robert you've got your sheep, and your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep, I'm on the freaking moon." —Ryan Howard
154. Season 8, Episode 9: "Mrs. California".
"I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym." —Dwight Schrute
155. Season 8, Episode 10: "Christmas Wishes".
"I would like another alcohol." —Erin Hannon
156. Season 8, Episode 11: "Trivia".
"You're a perfectly fine toilet... I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap." —Dwight Schrute
157. Season 8, Episode 12: "Pool Party".
"The 1% are suffering too, people." —Robert California
158. Season 8, Episode 13: "Jury Duty".
"You didn't prepare me for a big giant fat baby." —Kevin Malone
159. Season 8, Episode 14: "Special Project".
"My nickname was actually King Butt, because I had a king-sized butt. —Andy Bernard
160. Season 8, Episode 15: "Tallahassee".
"I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep." —Erin Hannon
161. Season 8, Episode 16: "After Hours".
"English peoples' main use today is judging American talent." —Dwight Schrute
162. Season 8, Episode 17: "Test the Store".
"Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid." —Dwight Schrute
163. Season 8, Episode 18: "Last Day in Florida".
"Oh, I boiled some Gatorade." —Erin Hannon
164. Season 8, Episode 19: "Get the Girl".
"I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby." —Jim Halpert
165. Season 8, Episode 20: "Welcome Party".
"I really should have a tweeter account." —Dwight Schrute
166. Season 8, Episode 21: "Angry Andy".
"I'd rather her be alone than with somebody, is that love?" —Ryan Howard
167. Season 8, Episode 22: "Fundraiser".
"I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we're all about to be killed." —Dwight Schrute
168. Season 8, Episode 23: "Turf War".
"I'm the f****** Lizard King." —Robert California
169. Season 8, Episode 24: "Free Family Portrait Studio".
"You mean to tell me that no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals?" —Darryl Philbin
170. Season 9, Episode 1: "New Guys".
"There are two things I am passionate about: recycling and revenge." —Andy Bernard
171. Season 9, Episode 2: "Roy's Wedding".
"I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling." —Andy Bernard
172. Season 9, Episode 3: "Andy's Ancestry".
"Nellie, get your wrinkly old balls in here." —Andy Bernard
174. Season 9, Episode 5: "Here Comes Treble".
"I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two." —Dwight Schrute
175. Season 9, Episode 6: "The Boat".
"This is gotcha journalism, but you know what, they're not going to gotch me." —Dwight Schrute
176. Season 9, Episode 7: "The Whale".
" Smile if you love men's prostates." —Toby Flenderson
177. Season 9, Episode 8: "The Target".
"When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual —Oscar Martinez
178. Season 9, Episode 9: "Dwight Christmas".
"I have to run to my car to take a dump." —Dwight Schrute
179. Season 9, Episode 10: "Lice".
"Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers." —Dwight Schrute
180. Season 9, Episode 11: "Suit Warehouse".
"Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers." —Dwight Schrute
181. Season 9, Episode 12: "Customer Loyalty".
"I did everything but unzip their pants for them." —Nellie Burtrum
182. Season 9, Episode 13: "Junior Salesman".
"When I was young, I spent several years at a private school where I was told I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities." —Dwight Schrute
183. Season 9, Episode 14: "Vandalism".
"My fetish is signed drawing of butts." —Dwight Schrute
184. Season 9, Episode 15: "Couple's Discount".
"So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk." —Kevin Malone
185. Season 9, Episode 16: "Moving On".
"Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but really miss my beard." —Andy Bernard
186. Season 9, Episode 17: "The Farm".
"I went caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way." —Clark Green
188. Season 9, Episode 19: "Stairmageddon".
"So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time." —Oscar Martinez
189. Season 9, Episode 20: "Paper Airplane".
"And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer." —Angela Martin
190. Season 9, Episode 21: "Livin' the Dream".
"Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone." —Angela Martin
191. Season 9, Episode 22: "A.A.R.M.".
"It's not the KGB, but it's a start." —Dwight Schrute
192. Season 9, Episode 23: "Finale".
"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things." —Pam Halpert
"The Office" will most likely be remembered as one of the most popular shows of all time and it deserves to have its best one-liners immortalized.