I've always been an extrovert. I'm in a social sorority at Ohio State, I've been a theatre kid since before I could read, and I love being around other people. My freshman year of college, I realized how much of an extrovert I was when I became suicidal without any friends; I couldn't handle being so isolated.

This COVID-19 quarantine is a depressed extrovert's worst nightmare. I have an older brother who was made for this quarantine. As kids, he always liked alone time and playing video games by himself. I, on the other hand, was always downstairs begging my parents to entertain me.

I'm a Psychology major, so I've taken a lot of personality tests. On every single one-- the Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and Big Five Personality Traits-- I always score high in the extroversion category. An extrovert is someone who is outgoing and overtly expressive. That's why self-quarantining is our worst nightmare. I think the last time I inadvertently practiced "social distancing," was from my freshman year dorm where I laid alone in my bed crying over the fact that I had no friends, perfect self-quarantine material.

During my friendless freshman year, I tried to find light in the situation and focus on myself. I figured I could take this time to explore hobbies and binge Netflix I'd been meaning to watch. But it didn't work. It wasn't just me watching a Netflix show; it was me, the Netflix show, and my thoughts. My thoughts wouldn't let the Netflix show and I have alone time. They told me "get your lazy ass up and do something. Why don't you have an internship? Where are your friends?"

It got better though. My antidepressants coupled with therapy made me less anxious. It made me realize that my emotions were normal: I'm human, it's normal to crave human connection and be upset without it.

Sophomore year rolled around and things got better. I had friends. I had people who I trusted and who supported me. I had people who made me feel like I did matter in this world. I had people who would notice if I disappeared. I was so fucking happy.

But alas, COVID-19 happened. Things were just getting good for me after the worst year of my life and now I'm being separated from everything that's making me happy. Classic.

Most people's thoughts upon hearing classes were cancelled for the rest of the semester were: "am I going to have to move back in with my parents? What about my friends? What about my frat formal in Canada?" But mine were "what if I spiral into depression again and feel like I did a year ago. I'm scared I won't be able to talk myself out of suicide this time, especially without people around."

So I went to Columbus, packed up my quaint room in my sorority house, an extrovert's heaven on earth, and headed back to Cleveland, Ohio with my mom and brother. I shed a few tears as I watched the happy life I'd craved so badly fade away while my brother drove me back to my hell.

Coming home is always exciting for the first few minutes. You get to see your dogs, you realize you'll have your own room without your snoring roommate, and you reunite with your parents. It's sweet. But then reality kicks in when your mom won't leave you alone, or your dad brings up anything involving the word "tuition."

My dad's a doctor and works twelve hour days, and my mom's even more extroverted than I am. She's always running around with one of her friends. And my brother, well, see the aforementioned paragraph. But don't get me wrong: I love my family. It's just that they might not be the best company to quarantine with for an indefinite amount of time.

Day 1: I enjoy my university's two week spring break extension. I stay in my pajamas all day, watch Netflix, cuddle with my cat. I think maybe I can do this. Why did I get so depressed last time I did this? We all need to relax sometimes.

Week 1: Honestly, not bad! I cleaned out my entire room, unpacked from college, online classes are starting soon. I think I can do this.

Week 2: Fuck my online classes.

Week 3: I have SO much homework.

Week 4: Bike rides with Dad are so fun.

Week 5: I don't remember the last time we were all home for family dinner. It's kind of nice.

I think you're waiting for the week where I go insane or become suicidal.

But it's not coming.

And do you know why? It's because I'm different. I'm not the depressed extrovert I was a year ago.

I still take antidepressants and I still love social interaction, but this quarantine changed me. It taught me the value of alone time and relaxation. It taught me that being an "extrovert" does mean you spiral into suicidal thoughts whenever you don't have friends. And honestly, I wouldn't have learned this without this quarantine.

An extrovert's happiness is not contingent upon other people. An extrovert's happiness does not flee when people do. An extrovert is responsible for their own happiness.

"Don't put your happiness in someone else's hands. They'll drop it. Every time."

-Christopher Barzak

If you're having a hard time social distancing because you miss your friends, let me introduce you to your new best friend: you. I've gotten to know and love myself. Exhibit A: I'm so proud of myself for writing for my first Odyssey article, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without this quarantine.

Now, I present to you:

Things I have learned from the COVID-19 Quarantine:

• Do not feel guilty for relaxing. We all could use a day to lay around in sweatpants and binge Netflix shows.
• Time spent with yourself is just as valuable and insightful as time spent with other people.
• You don't need other people to make you happy; only you are responsible for your happiness.
• I have an incredible family. I genuinely enjoy spending time with them and I consider my mom, dad, and brother my friends.
• Animal Crossing is good for my mental health.
• Cleaning my room makes me feel good and put together.
• Being alone with your thoughts doesn't have to be scary. Allow them to manifest.
• Don't be afraid of alone time; savor it.
• You've grown exponentially in the last year.

Social distancing seems pretty shitty for extroverts. Even the name "social distancing" seems kind of oxymoronic. Sure, you can Zoom with your friends and share your screen with quirky inside jokes, but it's not the same.

But social distancing doesn't have to be an extrovert's worst nightmare. That extrovert just needs to learn to spend time with themselves, and this extrovert has learned.

So, thank you COVID-19 quarantine, I guess? Am I the only one who gets a little upset when they hear businesses are starting to open up? Am I going to have to wear a bra soon?

Alone time has never been so sweet.

~Megan Roth