The other day I overheard a conversation that inspired me to write about what I think feminism really is. Although, I do hesitate to write this because some people feel the topic has been exhausted and over discussed, especially recently. However, those people are probably fall into the same category as the people whom’s conversation I overheard. I was eavesdropping in on a conversation between a girl and guy discussing their views on gender roles. The girl started off by sharing that she wanted men to be the head of the household and make the majority of the money for the family. Initially, yes, I gave a double take on the girl, but then accepted it and just thought, “hmm, well cool for her, more power to her.” However, she followed that statement with “that’s why I’m not a feminist.” This is where I had to bite my tongue, walk away, and choose to passive aggressively write about it instead.

I struggle to respond appropriately to what I think about that girl’s statement, without going off on a rant. Personally, I think the biggest obstacle of feminism is defining it. I could want my husband to make all the money for the family, or I could want him to stay home and take care of the children, either way I can still be a feminist. My personal choices for my own life does not and should not have any affect on anyone else’s personal choices. Saying that you are “anti-feminist” is not simply saying that you want to stay at home and let your husband make the money for the family, it’s saying that you don’t want women to have enough respect or equality to make the choice for themselves.

While I bring up this specific issue with defining feminism because of the girl’s uninformed correlation between household roles and actual feminist viewpoints, there are also more commonly mistaken stereotypes that I encounter much more frequently. Somehow feminism has been pushed into a corner accompanied by titles such as, man-haters, tomboys, family-haters, and lesbians, but all of these have absolutely no relation to what feminism really is. Everyone person - man or woman - should have the right to chose what they want to believe and what is right for them. Personally, I’m all for it when guys hold the door open for me, and contrarily, I’m the first to slide through the door just as it closes in front of the guy right behind me. Does this make me anti-feminist? No. It mostly just makes me lazy and inconsiderate. Feminists aren’t bashing guys who still open car doors or pay for the first date, in fact they’re not bashing guys at all. Our goal is to be seen as equal, not less than nor greater than men, which I think is a pretty fair request.

I also run into the common misconception that feminists have to be less feminine, and I’m here to say that I’m a feminist and I still shave my legs, wear dresses, curl my hair, get moderately upset over a broken nail, gossip, spend 20 minutes picking out an Instagram filter, only go to the bathroom with at least two other friends, own a Vera Bradley lanyard, and also happen to be a big fan of men. That being said, I’m not going to force another girl to feel the same way.

Feminism isn’t some scary term for women who want to be seen as masculine or greater than men. It isn’t even a term for just women, in fact I know a lot of guys who would probably consider themselves a feminist if they knew the real definition of it. It’s not as threatening as it sounds folks. Men, you can still beat us in arm wrestling, and women, you can still let them win to make them feel better about their masculinity.