I was one of those kids who was heartbroken when I turned 11 and didn't get a letter inviting me to Hogwarts's School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. I own a time turner, a replica of Harry's wand, a stuffed phoenix, a Gryffindor scarf; yep, huge fan. Or huge nerd, I guess it depends how you look at it. (I would like to mention that I typed 'Gryfindor' and my autocorrect changed it to 'Gryffindor.' That is how popular this series is.)

Anyway, when it was announced that there was going to be an eighth installment of the "Harry Potter" series, I was ecstatic. We got to know what the gang's lives were like 19 years later?! Hell yeah! This is going to be awesome!

Nope. I was so, so wrong.

Before we get into it, I'd like to clear up a bit of confusion about this new "book." It's not really a book. It's a play in London, written by Jack Thorne and directed by John Tiffany, which is based on an "original new story" by J.K. Rowling, John Tiffany and Jack Thorne.

Now that we have that sorted out... Warning: This is where the spoilers start:

There are higher-quality "Harry Potter" stories on fanfiction.net. I don't have the time, space or energy to list everything that went wrong in the 300 some pages I just read.

It starts off with basically a word-for-word play version of the epilogue at the end of the seventh book. I loved it. We were off to a great start.

Albus, Harry's second oldest son and the main character of our story, befriends Scorpius, the son of Harry's Hogwarts nemesis, Draco Malfoy. Fine, I dig it. Unlikely friends.

Then Albus is sorted into Slytherin. ...Really? That was the easiest, least creative "twist" imaginable. Harry's son is sorted into the exact opposite house of Harry's? You could have done so much more.

The next few scenes attempt to illustrate that Harry and Albus do not see eye to eye... at all. It was pretty easy to describe their relationship in just a few short scenes because every character in this book is flatter than Flat Stanley. Apparently, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Draco and everyone else lost every ounce of personality they had in the 19 years we haven't heard about, but I digress.

Anyway, Albus decides he needs to go back in time to try to save Cedric Diggory. He convinces his friend, Scorpius, to hop off the train with him to go on the adventure. The pair climbs out the window of the train onto the roof and are approached by none other than the Trolley Witch. Apparently, her low-key side job is to keep every student on the train. She finds the boys on the roof and after a short exchange exclaims, "Some have tried [to get off the train]--Sirius Black and his cronies, Fred and George Weasley. All have failed." Albus and Scorpius literally just jump off the train. They jump. After, I might mention, verbalizing their plan to each other right in front of the Trolley Witch. Oh well, she tried her best.

The boys manage to steal a Time Turner, go back and attempt to save Cedric by screwing with his chances of winning the Tri-Wizard tournament. They fail, and they go back again. This creates a ripple effect in time and alters the present. Scorpius finds that in the altered reality, Voldemort is the ruler and Harry Potter is dead.

Scorpius runs into Dolores Umbridge, who informs him he needs to stop acting strange because he's ruining Voldemort Day. Yes, you read that correctly. How long did it take you to come up with that gem of a holiday?! Sigh.

Also, after every conversation, the characters end by putting their hands on their chest and saying, "For Voldemort and Valor." Maybe Voldemort was just hurt by his lack of acceptance into the Boy Scout program and just wanted to rule the world so he could come up with his own secret handshake that everyone had to do. Yeah, that must have been it.

Basically, this book was a total let-down. Between the two-dimensional characters, completely convenient story line, and extreme predictability, this book was rubbish. I am disappointed that J.K. Rowling allowed this to be a part of the "Harry Potter" series.

Yet, I implore diehard Potterheads to read it. Under all the crap and the fact that I consider the Harry in this book and the Harry we all love to be two different characters, I must admit I enjoyed the tiny bit of somewhat real feelings Harry had when he watched his own parents be murdered. The only thing true to Harry is that he had the opportunity to meet his parents, but instead stood by and did nothing while they were killed because he knew it was right.

With all this being said, I still have the utmost respect for J.K. Rowling's writing talent, and I love the real "Harry Potter" series. Always.