I have spent the last few months trying to answer what seems like a very simple question:
Why?
I'm smart enough to know that it wasn't my fault and that it had something to do with the way you were raised or some deep insecurity you have, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Clearly you didn't care about me and could envision your life without me, so why waste everyone's time?
Why did you text me every day and surprise me with food and flowers? Why did you come to meet my family and act like everything was fine? Why did you continue to spend countless nights talking about our future if you didn't see one with me? If you wanted to be with someone else, what purpose was it serving to lead me on?
I still don't understand.
Maybe it made you feel more like a "man" to have multiple girls chasing after you. Maybe you got caught up in the moment and made a mistake, or maybe just maybe you are so selfish that you didn't care who you hurt along the way, as long as you got what you wanted. I don't understand your need to chase after a new girl every night or your need to lie about having a girlfriend.
I didn't suspect a thing for awhile, but then the time between texts and calls grew longer, you became more distant and plans became less frequent. I trusted you. I let it slide when I didn't hear from you for hours (or days) because you told me you were sick or busy with work. I made excuses for you when you told me you couldn't make it to dinner with my friends or a family event.
When I finally caught on and confronted you about it, you ran away before I could even finish my sentence and I haven't heard from you since. How could you just walk away without a word and never look back?
When we met, I wasn't immediately intrigued. You were cute, funny and charming, but I wasn't looking for anything serious; you were determined to change my mind. You would stop by just to say hello, surprise me with my favorite foods when I was having a bad night at work and were always there to listen when I needed to talk. I thought you were caring and supportive and I felt lucky to have met someone like you.
I guess you were too good to be true.
I can't imagine standing in front of someone, telling them you love them and then driving off to meet someone else to go through the same routine, but you made it look easy.
You were the one who betrayed my trust, who lied and cheated, and yet I was the one left with a broken heart and no answers. I have fought the urge to chase after you, thinking that maybe if you just took the time to explain that it would make it better, that maybe I could understand why you did what you did, but I assume that conversation would only be filled with more lies and excuses.
I may never get answers to my seemingly simple questions, and you may continue to lie and cheat with other girls, but you won't be wasting any more of my time. That I do know.