"I love you. Please forgive me."

The last words my uncle, best friend, and whole world said to me before he died that night. By the time I replied, he was gone. I remember the exact moment that I found out, but at this point in my life, I was so selfish, overwhelmed with an abusive relationship and the only thing I could focus on was this relationship while surviving to the end of the night. On top of this, I was a seventeen-year-old girl with little to no maturity. I didn't appreciate the life I had, despite my pain, or the family that I had. I was at a point where I thought I was invincible and so were the people in my life.

I had to learn the hard way.

I had held a lot of anger towards my uncle for his drug addiction and how it was hurting my family, especially me. He was my world.

When I was born, he was eleven. He was my best friend and I was his. His daughter is named after me. He would stay up till 4 in the morning explaining and showing videos about The Beatles, playing songs for me on the piano and guitar, and making me snacks when I got hungry. When he became a drug addict, I watched him slip away. Then one night he did something that I thought I could never forgive. And the last thing he ever heard me say was, "Never talk to me ever again and stay away from my family." Had I known that four months later I would lose him forever, I would've never said it.

While it seemed like I was the only person that has done this, I know that many people forget this. Lately, a lot of my friends have been losing their grandparents or family members, many expressing grief or regret. I understand this overwhelming source of grief and regret with the loss of my uncle. It feels like an ocean. The waves crash in and for a short period those waves pull back before returning.

If there is one thing I've learned from losing my best friend, it's that you can't regret, but you also can't redo. Instead of consuming in that grief, you find a way to remind the people you love that you love them. Never go to bed angry. While I understand there are some things people do that are unforgivable, but know that some things are minor in the bigger picture. My uncle was troubled, angry, and broke our hearts but he still loved us as much as we loved him.

A penny for your thoughts: When people are at the end of their lives, they don't think of all the things they wish they had bought, but rather think of the regret for all the relationships turmoiled or anger held towards people they love.

If you are in a position that I am in, you've lost someone that you love with things left broken or without telling them how much you care for them, remember that no matter what you believe, they are with you. However, you symbolize them, whether with pennies or animals, they will follow you. Every penny I stumble upon, I know that he is with me. He speaks to me when I feel sad, alone, or afraid. And I know that he forgives me and that I have forgiven him. Love is unconditional, even when we are angry.

If you have the chance, don't forget to tell someone you love them. Surprise them, call them, write them a letter, send a text, do whatever it is to show you care. You don't want to wonder, "What if..."