As a child I enjoyed learning. I asked questions constantly. I read fiction to escape into a world better than my own because, in my eyes, reality was boring. I detested non-fiction, yet still learned to engage the world around me in a (mostly) positive way. I was filled with the understanding that it was not where you come from that matters, but where you were going. As a consequence, I learned how to engage my surroundings while also detaching myself from them. I would not be held back by anyone because I was better than what I had and I knew that my family and I deserved more. And while I never stated out loud that I was better than anyone, I subscribed to the idea that I was exceptional and earned everything that I got. The idea of meritocracy was attractive.

In my adulthood I’ve learned the tricks of the lies that I believed. In thinking back on my life, hardships, successes, etc. it was not my skill or “merit” that got me to where I am, on track to becoming a first-generation, low income (and proud) Stanford graduate, but the environment that I grew up in and the particular circumstances that I was born into. My state of being is not because of hard work alone. But it is greatly impacted by chance and forces that I had no possibility of controlling in my youth or even today. This includes fashioning my speech off of characters that I saw on television. Because I spoke “proper” and could regurgitate information in class I was eventually deemed “gifted” and tracked throughout 4-12^th grade.

Because of these chances I cannot stand it when someone uses me as an example or standard. I am no novelty or prodigy. I am not a self-made man. If I could do it then, no, not anyone could do it. In his book, Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell describes the underlying patterns that explain some people’s probability of being “successful” in different fields. “Who we are cannot be separated from where we’re from,” he writes. I am not the person I am in spite of where I was born or my family’s lack of monetary wealth. I am not the person I am in spite of the fact I attended an under-resourced high school. I am not the person I am in spite of my background, but I am who I am because of my background. Because of hardship. Because I had to learn to adapt.

I did not earn this of my own hard work. There are plenty of people who work harder than I do and are not acknowledged because they don’t speak standard English. Those who are more educated than I am who do not pursue higher learning because they were told they could never afford it. Those who believe that one teacher who said they were bad at math and give up on being a doctor. There are people much richer than even Bill Gates despite not having a penny to their names. There are people incarcerated with a more grand vision of freedom than I could even imagine.

For these reasons, I am no novelty. I am not your ammo to shoot someone down. Because that child suspended 5 times in 2 months could be me. The future grandchild of the woman being denied food stamps could be me. The man denied employment for the 4

^th time due to his 2-year old felony could be me. And we all deserve that attention placed on those we see as “worthy” or successful. In this imperfect reality, meritocracy is but a colorblind pipe dream.