Television networks have to stop making shows that try and put a happy ending on America's enormous wealth disparity and instead make a show called "Shine My Shoes, Fuckface!" This is America, where the top four hundred people have more money than the bottom 150 million combined.

ABC gave us "Secret Millionaire," which is like "Undercover Boss" but less intellectually taxing. In each episode, one our richest one percent drops in on the wage slaves for a week and finds out that living on $185 a week in America really blows, so they anecdotally solve the wealth gap problem by showering everyone with cash. It's like "Pretty Woman" if you were the whore.

It's amazing. TV used to give Americans the reverse fantasy: What if you, normal person, suddenly became a millionaire? Now it's "Oh, who are we kidding? You consider yourself lucky to hold on to your job deep frying chicken parts, but how'd you like to be briefly introduced to a millionaire? Would you like that? You can even touch his garments!" And people watch this shit and find it inspirational. It's why they fawn over Donald Trump when he talks about his enormous business empire, even though he spends the rest of his time letting 18 people kiss his ass before he fires all but one of them.

America's rich aren't giving you money. they're taking your money. Between the years of 1980 and 2005, 80% of all new income generated in this country went to the richest one percent. Let me put that in terms even the Tea people can understand. Say 100 American get together and order a 100 slice pizza. The pizza arrives , they open the box, and the first guy takes 80 slices. And if someone suggests, "why don't you just take 79 slices?" That's socialism!

I know, it's just a TV show. But it does reinforce the stupid idea people have that rich people would love us, and share with us, if only they got to walk a mile in our cheap plastic shoes---but they're the reason the shoe factory moved to China. We have this fantasy that our interests and the interest of the super-rich are the same. Like somehow the rich will eventually get so full that they'll explode, and the candy will rain down on the rest of us. Like they're some kind of pinata of benevolence. But here's the thing about a pinata. It doesn't open on its own. You have to beat it with a stick.

Forget "Secret Millionaire;" I have a better idea for a show. Every week, one of the men responsible for the global financial meltdown is dropped into a poor neighborhood, and....And that's it. No camera, we just leave him there. I call it "I'm Alan Greenspan. Get Me out of Here."