Stop pretending that other governments have nothing to teach us. From those socialists in Sweden, we can learn how to fix a banking crisis. And from our friends in China, we can learn how to punish the jerks who caused it. The ones who took bailout money and bought private jets made out of rubies and veal. Dick Fuld of Lehman brothers personally made $500 million in subprime mortgages, and he gets to keep it. While you and I pay off his bad bets. Bernie Madoff stole $50 billion, mostly from Jews. For Jews, this was the worst pyramid scheme since the actual pyramids.

Which brings me back to China. A few years ago, some greedy businessmen in China were caught spiking the milk they sold to children with melamine, a plastic derivative that boosted the protein levels and thus their profits. You know what the Chinese did to the businessmen behind their mild scandal? They put them to death. Talk about lactose intolerant.

Now, am I saying we should treat the bankers who poisoned our financial markets with tainted investments the way China treated its poisoners? Please, we're not China. We're just owned by China. So no, I don't think we should put all the bankers to death. Just two. I mean, maybe it's not technically legal, but let's look at the upside. If we killed two random rich, greedy pigs, and I mean killed, like blew them up at halftime of next year's Super Bowl or left them hanging on the big board at the New York Stock Exchange----you know, as a warning----I think it would really make everyone else sit up and take notice.

The crisis was rooted in greed, and if two deaths shocked a society of three hundred million into acting decently enough to avoid the crisis again in the future---well, they'd die as heroes. It's not like collateral damage isn't built into our assessment of things. Cars kill almost fifty thousand people a year, but we accept that as a fair price for being able to get around without riding on top of an animal. So two dead bankers really starts to look like a bargain, and isn't that what they loved---bargains?