A few weeks ago as I was driving to work, I was listening to talk radio. Normally, I like to head bang and jam out to classic rock hits from decades past, but today I wanted to know what people were saying in the news. The segment began with sound bites from famous classic western films. I could hear the voices of Clint Eastwood and John Wayne, and I could just envision both men with a cowboy hat on a horse, a pistol in one hand and reins in the other. Tough and rugged, they both were the epitome of what a man should look like in mid-20th century American pop culture. The segment began with the host, Laura Ingraham, asking her audience, “Where are the cool cowboys and rugged war heroes in today’s cinema? Does American cinema have actors even closely embodying such charisma and masculinity?”

The sad answer is that, in the real world of today, they don’t exist. Those type of men exist in movies. They don’t depict a realistic outlook of manliness or masculinity today. They pay homage to the heroic deeds and lifestyles of years past in an artistic form. Life today isn’t translated from the movies.

Blurred Lines and Controversy

Despite this sad truth, the host of the show expressed her desire to see a return to the iconic masculinity depicted in film in the 1960s. Men should be tough and possess a suaveness about them, the host said.

But there should be more to that, I thought.

Then the conversation became more political. The show stated that the youth of today's generation was growing more “confused” about gender identification and that today’s young boys were becoming increasingly indoctrinated with feminine traits. They even went as far as to cite Caitlyn Jenner as one such negative influence on changing gender norms and “blurring the lines.” While it is easy to accuse a recent controversial event and blame it in the case of Jenner, that doesn’t answer the status of masculinity in American society. Yet, Ms. Ingraham did make a good point that there is a growing trend amongst millennial men becoming consumed with their self-image as well as becoming increasingly narcissistic, selfish and lazy.

I’ll safely admit that I don’t describe myself as the next John Wayne. I would like consider myself my own man, someone not looking to exactly copy the image of someone else, and I am happy with the man I am. I say also that masculinity shouldn’t be a negative term, just as feminism is sometimes referred to as. It should be a positive and evolving term as we look at the progress made in developing such an ideal while reflecting on the past, not just by what we see in film or in popular culture in the past 60 years. What is a concern to many is that young men are too consumed with how they look and how people perceive them on Instagram rather than expressing a classic “rugged individualism” or being “tough.”

What people of the prior generation need to recognize is that the United States has moved in a direction where gender norms and stereotypes don’t apply in the same manner as they used to. Feminism and masculinity aren’t set typecasts of how each gender should act, despite some feeling that there is. I confess that I’m guilty in at least one point of my life calling out a friend on something that seemed too girly or feminine. But at this stage in my life, I realize that I don’t know everything that makes a man manly or what portrays masculinity.

In fact, no one should have the exact answer to what masculinity should look like.

Looking back on the past

I believe that the man himself must define masculinity and not let people say that he looks or acts like what a bro or a tough guy should be. Rather, it begins with a look back on the past at his father and his grandfather actions, life achievements and accomplishments. He should look to where they saw success and how they dealt with defeat.

The man doesn’t make himself more masculine by taking a photo of him going out to the club; he does things that set him apart from others. The trials and the tragedies in life offer one’s true character. His deeds will speak louder than any picture or what happened at some party, which many in this generation forget.

Looking Within

And I say this too: a man doesn’t have to be tough by showing no emotion. Too commonly men are criticized for shedding a tear or cowering with fear. A man is by no means an android or a heartless machine. Masculinity is about having a tender heart and the ability to empathize with fellow people offers an even greater embodiment to the chivalrous idea that men act with honor. Even when presented with obstacles, they still can overcome by digging deep into themselves and arising to the occasion. One can look at the great men depicted time and time again in stories and poems about the treatment of others. Edmund Spenser’s epic poem “The Faerie Queene” cites allegories and illustrations of knightly honor, but also to corruption and vices. Take Redcrosse Knight, for example. He may have faltered on his journey and fallen from holy grace, but he still was able to pick himself up with the help of his friends to slay the dragon.

Taking A Stand

It's also interesting to see how amongst men in the millennial generation cannot offer an idea of what honor should be. Masculinity should encompass the respectful treatment of others as another trait to uphold. This includes all women (and especially a sister, motheror significant other), children, weak and old, and those who are disenfranchised or vulnerable. Too often we see that such a code is forgotten from an era of knights in shining armor.

Men, including myself, must take a stand for something in their lives. They must take up a cause and must search for truth and goodness.

It is a lack of a belief in an honor code that has paved the way for the hook-up culture across college campuses in America. Too often, young men in college look to a hookup or a one-night stand as a manly achievement when it’s quite the opposite. Hookups are dehumanizing, demeaning, unfulfilling and foster no healthy relationship between man and woman. Again, masculinity should embody healthy relationships and respect to fellow human beings, not treat them as something else.

The Strenuous Life

Probably the manliest of all men and someone who personifies every single aspect of masculinity is rancher, soldier, hunter and author, President Theodore Roosevelt, who wrote a speech on the very subject. An impassioned orator, he affirmed:

“I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.” —"The Strenuous Life"

And possibly one of the best quotes of all time is his famous quote, The Man in the Arena:

Thus, I believe that chivalry and honor are not dead. Not entirely at least. Masculinity should be broadened to encompass an open mind of how men should act. What needs to happen is to build a strong foundation of values from prior generations and instilling in young men. I learned from my father to be a good man. I learned from my heroes in the past and present how to live as a true man and I learned to be a faithful man from my church. That is the root of masculinity, to do great things and to live life in the moment and to seek truth.