With March Madness quickly approaching, the selection committee will start to make their decisions. As a lifelong Terp fan and lover of The Office, I'm hoping they see this and give Terrapins a good seed.
1. Dion Wiley, Creed Bratton
Dion Wiley has been M.I.A. this season (thanks to a torn meniscus) similar to the ever-elusive Creed Bratton. Since Wiley can’t play, no one really knows a lot about Wiley or what he’s been up to. Is he running a small fake ID company from his car using a laminating machine he stole from the sheriff’s station? Paying for the luxury of using the women’s bathroom (for number 2 strictly)? Joining cults? Who knows.
2. Melo Trimble, Michael Scott
Melo is the star of the show so it’s fitting he would be compared to likes of Michael Scott. Melo is the glue that holds the Terps together and is always there to re-energize the team when needed; just like Michael and the Dunder Mifflin team. Both love to please the crowd and live for the attention, and always have a huge grin on their faces while doing so. Seriously, when is Melo not smiling? Here's Melo smiling as he shoots in a high profile NCAA D1 game. It’s casual.
3. Damonte Dodd, Meredith Palmer
Lose your starting position to a freshman? Get lice? Get hit by Michael Scott’s PT Cruiser? So what. Damonte and Meredith don’t really care what happens to them, they’re just there to have fun. Meredith may not be the on the starting line of Dunder Mifflin’s employees but neither is Damonte. Both are firecrackers and kill the game whenever they are on the court or on camera.
4. Robert Carter Jr., Darryl Philbin
Robert Carter Jr. and Darryl Philbin both know the value of putting in work to achieve their goals. Darryl put in work in the warehouse before moving up into the office. Carter spent last season working on his game as NCAA rules restricted the transfer from playing. They both get stuff done too; Carter has scored double-figures in 20 out of the past 25 games. Darryl and Robert are definitely the most humble, hungry and hard working players on their teams.
5. Rasheed Sulaimon, Andy Bernard
Rasheed and Andy both are relatively new to the scene and are both a bit of a wildcard. The McDonald’s All-American was dismissed from Duke’s basketball program for vague and somewhat ~mysterious~ reasons. Andy was also dismissed to anger management classes for punching a hole in the wall. Once the Nard-dog returned, he punched another hole in the wall - in the exact same spot. Hopefully, Rasheed keeps up the good behavior at College Park and doesn’t pull an Andy Bernard.
6. Varun Ram, Pam Halpert
Varum and Pam are the people you love to see on the court or in the office, even if they aren’t the “best” at what they're doing. They both put the a lot of heart in what they do and they aren’t afraid to go out on a ledge to achieve their dreams, whether it be attending art school in Manhattan or transferring from a small DIII school to the University of Maryland to play top-tier DI basketball. Pam And Varun are the kind of people you just can't help but love.
7. Jared Nickens, Toby Flenderson
Jared and Toby are both necessary evils. Nickens hasn’t done much on the court in the past couple games but is still a valid team player. There’s always has to be at least one guy on the team not playing to his full potential and that guy is Jared Nickens. In the same sense, an office always has to have the one worker everyone chooses to ignore, that worker is Toby Flenderson. Keep your head up Jared, you’ll get that spark back. No one is as bad as Toby.
8. Jake Layman, Jim Halpert
While watching Layman play, you’ll notice he touches and fixes his hair almost as much as he touches the basketball. That said, you do have to admit he has the best hair of the Terps basketball squad, just as Jim Halpert has the best hair of the Dunder Mifflin branch. Layman even has a twitter account devoted to his golden follicles. Not to mention, if you squint a little, Jim and Jake could totally pass for brothers.
9. Jaylen Brantley, Kelly Kapoor
Kelly is a huge gossiper and something tells me Jaylen Brantley is too. University of Maryland’s newspaper, The Diamondback, thinks so as well. In a 2014 article, they referred to Brantley receiving a diploma from Notre Dame Prep. It’s obvious they mean another prep school since the hyperlink in the article takes you directly to the all-girls Baltimore high school's website that interestingly enough, two of my sisters attended. Small world. I took the liberty of photoshopping NDP’s one-of-a-kind uniform onto Jaylen. You’re welcome.
10. Diamond Stone, Kevin Malone
Food is to Kevin Malone and basketball is to Diamond Stone. Stone comes from a lineage of great basketball players and Kevin Malone comes from a family with their own famous chili recipe. Kevin and Diamond are two of the biggest guys in the office/on the team and they are both willing to go to great lengths to get what they want, whether it be a rebound or a pizza from Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe.
11. Michal Cekovsky, Dwight Schrute
Michal Cekovsky and Dwight Schrute are both from some pretty foreign places. Cekosvky is from Slovakia and while Dwight is from Pennsylvania, Schrute Farms is far from your typical All-American beet farm. While there is nothing confirming Cekovsky awaits Belsnickel every Christmas Day to decide whether he’s been impish or nice, there is also nothing denying it. I truly hope Cekosvky’s home in Slovakia parallels Schrute Farms. If it does, dibs on the Irrigation room.
12. Mark Turgeon, David Wallace
Behind every great team is a great coach. Turgeon is the mastermind behind the top-ranked Terps. He’s worked off Gary Williams success and has created a new era of Maryland basketball. Just as David Wallace has to keep Michael Scott in line, Turgeon is faced with the task of keeping about 15 college-aged boys out of trouble. Seeing as the Terps are poised to have a run for the NCAA title, I think he’s doing a pretty good job.
Go Terps - Hopefully, we'll see them in Houston.