Hello Old Friend,

Do you remember me? It’s been four years since our friendship ended, but I still think about you a lot. How can I not think of you, when you had such an impact on my life? I met you in the fifth grade, and I thought from that moment on, I had found a best friend for life. Our friendship was everything to me, and I want you to know how much I appreciated you over the years growing up because I really did. But, as of now, I resent you so much. It’s really sad, how much hate I feel towards you. I apologize for my harsh words, for being blunt; but that is exactly how I feel. You let our friendship go, you didn’t fight for it and it hurt me so badly. So let me remind of our friendship and the story of us.

As I said, we met in fifth grade. We were in the same class, and our desks happened to be near each other. We bonded over our love for Sweet Valley High books, being the only ones to walk the mile, interviewing people in gym class and pretending we had our own talk show. I remember you always drawing me pictures of frogs, and saying how our princes would come someday.

As we got older, you had other friends and I did too. But, we always remained what I considered, best friends. Sure, we had some bumps along the road, but I could never stay mad at you for more than an hour because I had something to tell or show you.

When high school began, I felt we got really close. We had some fun memories that I’ll never forget. Between traveling to New York with our choir, random trips to target, church events, our long drives just talking and singing to our favorite songs (mostly Taylor Swift) and ending up at Caribou because we had no place to go, I had so much fun whenever I was with you.

You were there for me during a very hard time in my life. During our junior year of high school, I had my heart broken by a boy for the first time. You saw me during my ups and downs during that period. And I can’t thank you enough during that time. It was because of you that I felt that I didn’t need him and wanted to move on. You reassured me there were greater things in life, than dating the boy on the hockey team. I remember I could call you bawling my eyes out, and I knew you’d be there, knowing exactly what to say. I was not a fun person to be around during that time and I was mad at the world, but you helped make it better. You knew how to calm me down, and knew the perfect playlist to play when we drove around and talked about how he wasn't the one for me, and how I'd find someone someday. You even wrote me a couple of songs making me love our friendship even more and being so thankful for you. At that time I knew I could count on you no matter what happened in life.

I always believed in you. I always knew and thought you were going to be somebody and I was right. From what it looks like, you’re an amazing person with the kindest heart; I just wish we were still in each other’s lives. I remember the day I had to say goodbye to you when you left for college. I felt like a part of me was leaving.

I remember you said, "Nothing will change, I’ll always be here for you, this will make our friendship stronger, you know you can come with me with anything," and so on.

At that moment, I truly believed that. I thought we would always be in each other’s lives. But, it’s not how it played out. I know freshman year of college is all about new experiences, and we’re busy as ever, but I still thought we’d talk as much as we always did. I knew I couldn’t call you up and go over to house whenever I wanted, but I knew FaceTime and texting was the next best thing. But, it always seemed you were to busy for me.

College was hard for me, I wasn’t one to make new friends because I was so shy, and it seemed you were excelling at your new school. We talked less and less, and I remember you coming home for visits and not even telling me. That hurt, I was having such a hard time and all I wanted was to vent to my best friend.

I remember I saw pictures of you and some girl a lot on Facebook, and I commented on it with, “I guess you found a new best friend. Bitchy, I know. But I was so sad and I missed you so much. You replied with a text, and said if I had a problem with her or you, to talk to you about it and not on social media. I cried after you said that because you didn’t understand. Did you not realize how hard it was for me? How much it hurt? We got together and talked it over and everything felt fine again. We promised to keep better in touch and so on.

We talking and walking towards the parking lot and I said, “Are you still my best friend?” with a smile on my face, and you hesitated. “Well, can we really call ourselves that?” was your response. You said we were going in different directions and you couldn’t be there for me like I wanted you to, but you’d always care about me and you’d pray for me. Who says that? Honestly, like who says that to someone? I’m sorry, but I hated you after that. I hated you. Because you were my person. The person who was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids, my kid’s godmother, etc… and I could you see you keeping in touch with other people who you weren’t as close with, rather than myself. It hurt like hell, and honestly, a lot of times I think to myself, if I wasn’t good enough to keep our friendship strong, then how could I be good enough for anyone else? I thought you’d never give up on me.

So much time has gone by, and important events continue to happen in both of our lives; I think about all the things we’ve missed not being at each other’s side. Both of us turning 21 (even though we both never drank much), my dog's passing away, your graduation form college, Taylor Swift’s "1989" album coming out, my family losing our house, me switching my major during my senior year of college, you moving halfway across the world after college etc. It really hurts, and I have had a hard time letting go.

I had to delete you from all social media because it was hard seeing you do all these amazing things, and I couldn’t be in your life. But that was your choice, you didn’t want me there, and I won’t lie. But because of you I have a hard time letting people in, I have hard time expressing how I feel; because I don’t want people to get close and then leave like you did. You were my best friend, and I’m thankful for the time our friendship had, but I don’t think I could ever be friends with you again. Maybe someday, but now or in the near future.

I wish you nothing but the best life, and if you see me in public and I try to hide from you, I’m sorry, but I have nothing to say to you as of now. I see and hear you’re doing great, and I’m so happy for you and I know you’ll accomplish so many great things in life. Don’t worry about me. I have met some incredibly beautiful people and have some amazing people who have never left my side, and love me unconditionally. I’ll be just fine, but I needed to vent and get this out. Because I was still hurting after four years of not talking to you on a regular basis. I wish you the best of luck and maybe in the future we’ll be friends, hopefully.

Love,

Your fairytale, diet Coke obsessed, country music loving, ex-best friend.