Most of us by this point in our lives have been in some sort of relationship, regardless of how serious or committal. While we are in those relationships, regardless of gender or sexual identification, we normally try our best to be the best partner we can be. Yet no matter just how hard we try, sometimes things simply are not meant to be. Now you’re an ex, and depending on the nature of the breakup, that could mean a lot of things. Though it seems none of us really take the time to think about what it means to be a good ex. I’ve thought this over for about a week now, and with the help of some friends, family, and exes of my own, I think I’ve figured the five base requirement for being a good ex.

The first and possibly the most important thing would have to be this. RESPECT. I know the idea of this might be hard depending on the situation. Yet at the end of the day, they are still people, and even people that at one point you cared about. This is important, because when you and your ex-partner both respect each other’s wishes, things tend to go more smoothly.

The second thing would have to understand. Trying to put yourself in the shoes of your ex and understand how they must feel or how equally or not equally difficult this situation must be for them too. It takes a lot to try to understand how someone feels when you personally may feel like a victim or cheated.

The third thing on this list would have to be self-value. Depending on the situation it might be really easy to want to blame yourself or even your ex-partner. Though normally, unless you’ve taken the time to do the first and second, this rationalization is irrational. Take the time to remember that you’re worth your world but also remember, to be honest about the true nature of the situation.

The fourth thing to remember is this: it is not a competition. For me personally and some others I’ve talked with. Sometimes we feel the desire to compare our lives to that of our exes after the breakup. Everyone has different ups and downs in their life, and if you’re constantly concerned about how your ex is doing, who they are dating or any other variation of mild stalking, the truth might simply be that you’ve yet to truly move on.

The last bit to all of this is moreso an endgame card. Forgiveness. At the end of everything, we are all humans and we all make mistakes regardless of how intentional or none. It is important to remember that and to forgive not only yourself but them too in time. There is no strict timeline to this, but it is safe to assume that if it has been a few years since you and your ex have even spoken to each other, that maybe it is time to bury the hatchet. Though, depending on the situation, this may be harder to do.

Well, that is it, this is my little list of the things that help make a good ex. I understand that nobody has exactly the same situations or path of thought that I do. Though, I think for a general rule of thumb, this might not be too far off.