If he/she/they does not support you for your passions, your flaws, YOU, then he/she/they ain't it!!!

My ex boyfriend never wanted to hear about anything I was passionate about or interested in. It was about him all the time. Any time I tried to bring up something I was excited about, he would shut me down and change the subject to himself. Being the supportive and loving girlfriend I was, I supported him, listened when he needed to talk or vent and helped him however I could. I was never able to talk about my stuff or needs and that wasn't right. In a healthy, well-balanced, relationship, both people should feel open to talk about their own interests and share those interests with each other without fear of being shut down or ignored or made fun of.

Obviously this bothered me at times. Especially when I'd be singing a great song that I love and he'd change the song to something that he likes to listen to... like are you kidding me?

Him constantly doing this to me made me feel like my interests were boring, like I was boring, and that is SO not true!!!! Sometimes when people do this, it's because they feel insecure talking about things they don't know a lot about -so they revert to things they do know a lot about. Although that kind of makes sense, it's not right to use this as an excuse to not support your partner.

If they don't admit to any wrongdoing, there is something wrong there.

Everyone makes mistakes, it's basic human nature. If you are with someone that blames everything on you and cannot admit to ever being wrong, there is something wrong there.

In my previous relationship, he made everything out to be my fault and even though deep down I knew it wasn't my fault, I started to believe him and feel like I could do no right.

He could never admit to ever being wrong, even if he was entirely 100% wrong. This is definitely a sign of a manipulative person and if they truly care about you they will care more about your feelings and doing right by you than being "right" or "winning" the argument.

No one just doesn't make mistakes - that is literally impossible.

You should never feel like you're giving way more than you're getting 

Yes, I am an extremely extra person and give way more than the average person. I climb mountains every single day for people that may or may not hop over puddles for me. It's who I am and yes, sometimes, it poses an issue to my well being and sanity (it's a work in progress).

In my past relationship, I gave 110%... always. I paid for most of the dates (again - A RED FLAG THAT THIS IS A MANIPULATIVE PERSON). Clearly I lost my mind when I was dating this person because not only did I pay for 95% of the dates (this past summer he paid for fro-yo once - a whooping $9!!!!!), I also drove 95% of the time and I pay for my own gas .... no he never offered me gas money.

I made time for him even though I work five jobs over the summer and three during the school year. I constantly begged him to give me more time and felt like he wasn't making time for me, which of course he turned into "she's trying to take over my life and won't let me have friends." I don't have the time to take over your life, boy!

There is a difference between someone saying for example: "oh you really didn't have to do that, that's so sweet" which I think is a polite reaction when you do something for someone and they're shy or don't know how to react because in this society accepting nice things is hard. Versus someone saying: "I didn't ask you to do that" basically invalidating all the time effort and love you put into whatever it was.

If you are with someone that literally makes you regret doing nice things for them and wonder why the hell you're doing nice things for them in the first place, go take your love somewhere it is appreciated!!!!

Always believe your gut 

No, you are not crazy. If you have a gut feeling that you cannot shake that your partner may be doing something they shouldn't be doing, you are probably right. I say that because I was.

I cannot explain this well enough with words, but one evening I just had this gut impulse feeling out of nowhere that my ex boyfriend was up to something. I wasn't with him, I didn't see anything on social media, my gut just knew. And I was right. Literally at that exact moment he was sliding into someone's dm's telling her how "I'm not good at first impressions but I think you're really pretty and I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you." Uhm.... I'm sorry but NO!

In addition to that, if you have a gut feeling that the person you're with is not good for you. If you know deep down that you're ignoring red flags and letting things that hurt you go because you don't want to cause any issues, you are probably right and it's best to go with that gut feeling then and there rather than ignore it because trust me, bigger issues will arise and you'll be kicking yourself for not leaving their sorry a** a year ago.

Do not ever for a second think that a failed relationship or toxic relationship is your fault

Yes, in my past relationship, I made mistakes and I did things that hurt my ex boyfriend. I'm human - sue me. However, I did not sign up to be emotionally abused for almost two years, I did not sign up to be cheated on or lied to and I certainly did not sign up for him to harass me and try to turn the world against me after breaking up with me.

I consider myself a very strong woman. I like to joke that in addition to commuting to college, I commute to hell and back almost as regularly. I have been through a lot in my short life and I have always come out the other side stronger than ever before. When I am in a relationship, I take it very seriously and I date to marry- not to mess around and mess with someones feelings. So for a while, I blamed myself for letting this happen to me. I blamed myself for not being good enough in the relationship. I wondered what I could have done differently, or better. Now, I realize, that it was not my fault and it was not anything I did or didn't do. Sometimes in life, there will be people that you care about and love, but they just are not good for you for whatever reason, and that is okay.

I chased after this boy for five years of my life and I spent nearly two of them losing myself trying to love him. I did the best that I could and I loved him and cared for him with everything I had in my heart and soul. It's not on me how he reacts and appreciates that. He didn't appreciate any of it - but that is not my fault.

I am the type of friend that will sit there and yell at my friends for ever letting a guy treat her wrong or disrespect her in any way, shape or form. I tell my friends they are strong powerful women and don't need any man to live their best life. I tell my friends they don't need any trash man bringing them down because men are just that - trash (sorry not sorry). I also know firsthand, that it can be hard when you're in love to say goodbye or understand that the person you cherish so much just is not good for you and not the one. Trust me, I am now happier and stronger than I have ever been before.

This is not about him, this is about me. This is about how I chose to move forward and be my best self, because he was holding me back and bringing me down. This is for all the girls out there that need a sign.... trust me, it gets so much better.