The other day I was having lunch with my Dad, and two of his friends who he was up visiting. The conversation was what one would expect when a college student has lunch with her middle aged father and his middle aged friends: normal, tame, nothing too exciting. However, we then got on a subject of manners and customer service, and how people can just be downright rude. So exciting right? Just wait for it. I don't really remember the exact story my Dad's friend was telling, but he mentioned something along the lines of the following:

"Yeah this big, fat woman was just screaming at the person at the counter about something that had broke and it wasn't her fault."

Ok, this is what struck a cord in me: Why did it matter what this woman's size was? I voiced this concern to everyone at the table and was met with silence. It seemed that everyone was perfectly aware that there was no reason to mention this person's size. The point of the story was that this woman was being incredibly rude to the store employee, and mentioning her weight was not only a bit offensive, it was just downright unnecessary. The silence that I received after posing the question of why it mattered that this woman was "big and fat" only confirmed that for me.

Yet, I'm not sure the point sunk in. When we diverted to another subject (about forcing religion down people's throats), my father's friend said (again paraphrasing his words), "This black woman was yelling from a car, screaming about Jesus." This time I did not bring up my concern for his unnecessary description, but the idea remains the same. Why on Earth does it matter what this woman's race was? Wasn't the main point that she was attempting to shove her religion in people's faces? The two are not connected in any capacity. And that's my issue with the whole situation. Often when telling a story, people will slip in a description of the person's race, ethnicity, religion, size, etc. that frankly has no connection to the subject's actions in the story. Growing up some common examples that I witnessed were:

"Today in class this black kid did (blank)."

"So this Asian kid said (blank) today."

"This fat dude sat in front of me today."

And so on. However, none of those characteristics added anything to the story. They just emphasized that this person was not white, cis-gender, skinny, etc. When recounting an event that involved someone with no "notable" characteristics, the words were always "This kid" or "This girl" or "This boy", not "This white girl" or whatever variation. Because for some reason it doesn't matter if this person was white, but if the person did not conform to the majority appearance, then suddenly those traits were worth noting.

Now I could understand bringing up said descriptions if it provided, say, some cultural context. For instance, I am Jewish, and growing up my parents often let my sister and I invite people, regardless of religion, over for important Jewish holiday dinners. Hypothetically, if a non-Jewish friend I invited was telling someone about their experience, I completely understand saying "My Jewish friend" as that provides necessary cultural information. Yet, if a friend just came over to hang out, they (probably) wouldn't say "So I was over at my Jewish friend's house."

I'm aware this issue may seem trivial or whiny, but unnecessarily inserting a person's race, size, religion, sexuality, or any other physical or mental characteristics may subliminally send a message of racism, sexism, homophobia, and again the list goes on. It emphasizes that these features matter when, unless they are providing important context, they do not. It demonstrates that everyone needs to be aware that this person doing this one thing was fat. Or of a racial minority. Or of some other feature that is just as insignificant in certain settings as being white, average weight, or straight. That being said, I am by no means trying to undermine the importance of one's heritage or other personal way of identifying oneself. I completely understand the importance of being proud or aware of a certain trait one possesses. However, I personally feel that bringing specific features to light when it truly does not matter in that specific situation, only highlights the differences in what may be seen as a negative way. It is an issue that often goes unnoticed and we are likely not consciously partaking in it. Yet, it is something to be aware of and is actually an easy fix. Be conscious of your language. We are often told to be politically correct with subjects such as race and religion, but sometimes those attributes simply don't matter. They may be a personal identifier for someone, but they do not need to be used in every day recollection. Differential characteristics are so easily incorporated into everyday life that nobody blinks an eye when they are brought up completely unwarranted. If we truly want to overcome racial, cultural, religious, gender (seriously there are so many categories that could be mentioned) barriers, we need to stop constructing them with our day to day language.