As I sit here in the dimly lit corner of the community college library I am currently attending, I look for something to spark my interest. I needed something to fill the void that is slowly starting to dig its way into me again. I’m browsing though self help articles and multi-tasking on Facebook (one of my many talents) when it hits me at this exact moment. I notice the electronic clock above my head and its synthesized ticking noise. The last pieces of sunshine beaming through the array of pine trees are to my left, through a large window that hasn’t been washed in some time. I notice I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Now take it how you want it, but the feeling of peace and serenity that has washed over me lets me know. Know what exactly? That’s still to question, but I know that I’m okay. I know that through the last 19 years, there have been ups and downs. But I’m okay, at this very moment, I’m okay.

Now I will speak for myself and leave it up to you to identify, but I tend to focus on the negative things in my life. Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself “who would want to read this useless shit “, instead of maybe "someone will get something out of the unorganized inner ramblings of my slightly psychotic mind".

I find most days, it’s extremely difficult to identify exactly where I’m at mentally, and I get really frustrated by that. I feel like I can’t get a grip, I feel lost and broken. That’s not the part that’s the issue, the issue is I’m afraid to tell somebody that I’m not okay. I’m afraid I will be judged for not being strong enough or having the willpower to dig myself out of this self-induced void.

The emotion that does the most damage is the one that presents itself in many many forms, and that is fear. I am scared, terrified, stressed, anxious, and many others forms of fear. But most of all I’m scared to not be okay.

So as I sit here with the sun finally gone, and my attention span for intuitive thought diminished I realize that, yes, I am fearful. But most importantly I am okay with that. I am accepting of where I am in life, and it’s damn tough. I like to think of life like a novel, there cannot be a success story without struggle. This to shall pass.