College is a confusing time for everyone, filled with contradictions. You are expected to act like an adult at college, yet you’re still treated like a child at home. You try to be healthy, but the dining hall food is all garbage, yummy and delicious garbage. You are supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your life, yet you’re not even of legally able to have a beer. College is a state of limbo, a state of in betweens. When I came home from break, I walked into my house, and took a long whiff of the smell I've grown to love, the scent of my home, my family, my dogs; the scent of my childhood. My parents hug me, and help me carry my things to my room. I pause, and take a look around...posters of me swimming in highschool, my old ballet shoes in my closet, my soccer and basketball trophies lining the wall, my graduation cap and tassels hanging next to my National Honors Society certificate, side by side with notes my friends in middle school made me. My paintings lined the walls, all my supplies still in the corner where I left them, my diary still on my bed side table, my bookshelf still overflowing with all my books, all my adventures. Yet, my closet is empty, my favorite pillows stuffed in my suitcase, my phone holding all of my new pictures and memories, my laptop holding all my new musings and ideas. I don't live here anymore, yet this is still my “home”.

I have started to call my dorm home. My small bed, my shared bathroom, the living space my roommates and I share...all of this is home to me. I have spent a semester there, experienced such a whirlwind of emotions in that small room, laughed my ass off and cried until I’ve started hiccuping, curled up in my roommates arms. My best friends live there, despite being so new. I knew hardly anyone in August, and now, sitting on my bed in Kansas City, thinking of my first semester, I have such a longing to see my friends, to see my roommates, my dorm floor friends, that terrible dorm food, even that guy in the back of my lecture hall that farted all the time (lol). But most of all, I miss my new home, my sorority house, empty now, but soon enough will be filled with the people that I chose to spend my college days with, the people with the biggest hearts, the brightest smiles, and the the most open hearts.

The expression, “Home is where the heart is”, has really rung true recently. It is absolutely accurate and this year has proven as much. The hard thing with college isn't that you don't feel completely home in your dorm, or that you feel like part of you is missing when you are in your family home. The hard part is that your heart lies in two places, separated by miles and many lessons learned, one holding your favorite memories from your youth, your beautiful and untouched dreams, your whole childhood. It holds the most important people in your life, your parents, your brother, your sister, and mainly your dogs. Yet, the other holds your future, your new best friends that despite only have known a few months, you already are life long friends, with memories that make your heart smile. It holds your all-nighters spent studying, and some all-nighters not spent studying. It holds your future dreams and future happiness and love. It holds everything you have grown into, and everything you want to continue growing with. So, where is home? Is it with your past, or with your future? I think that home is with you, everywhere you go. Home is all those smiles and laughs with your childhood friends, those crazy nights with your new friends, those study dates and late nights and early mornings, with memories of waking up on Christmas with your siblings jumping on you, and going to bed with your best friend at 4 am, crammed into a dorm size bed. Home is with you; home is where your heart is.