Like most people, I grew up hearing stories of the mad artist, Vincent Van Gough. Tales of his severed ear and lonely life were told like they were twisted fairy tales. Van Gough was the misunderstood knight fighting off the shadows, armed with nothing but a paintbrush and yellow paint. But his story wasn’t a fairytale, and he wasn’t a knight; he was just a man. A man who wanted to be loved, understood and bring happiness to himself and the world through his art.
What is so striking about the story of Van Gough is despite having to deal with harsh rejection, death, unpopularity and extreme mental illness, he still sought to find the beauty in life. In fact, the very things that plagued him fueled him to create and show the beauty that could still be found in the world. With each exaggerated stroke, he was trying to capture the vitality of the world around him that couldn’t be portrayed in a more literal sense. This staccato style became one of the hallmarks for impressionism. He was able to peer past the disillusionment and tap into the energy and movement of the world around him. Just like himself, his paintings depicted a dichotomy of emotions. Pain, yet relief, sorrow, yet joy. Unfortunately, this only stalled the darkness and couldn’t stop it from consuming him. His art therapy soon became very literal.
It is speculated that yellow was Van Gough's favorite color. He used yellow for paintings like:
and "Starry Night."
Yellow represents happiness and light, so it makes sense why Van Gough was so infatuated with it. Unfortunately, as much as he painted with it, he wasn’t quite able to achieve these things. So in a desperate attempt to make him happy, he set his sights on a new canvas--his own body. He consumed yellow paint hoping to line his insides with happiness. He too wanted to be a masterpiece glowing with light.
This story has always stuck with me, and it got me thinking: What is our yellow paint? Even if we don’t suffer to the extent Van Gough did, we all have problems we attempt to fix with empty solutions. “I will be happy when I have more friends.” “I will be happy when this girl/guy likes me.” “I will be happy when I get the job.” The list goes on and on. There are so many things that we think will make us happy, but like yellow paint, they aren’t “fixing” us.
I believe one of the biggest reasons Van Gough is regarded as one of the greatest artists of all time isn't for his innovative style, but his resilient spirit and how it continues to inspire us. Somehow, despite all the pain and suffering, he was able to capture the joy and intensity of life and the world around him; his work reminds us that in darkness there is still light. So let's silence those lies telling us we need "xyz" to be happy and seek to find that light like Van Gough once did.