I am not a healthy person. My family warns me that if I keep my mind the way it is, I'll have ulcers, a face full of cold sores, and bald spots by the time I'm 30. I know they're right, too. I can tell my hair has gotten thinner, and cold sores are becoming more and more frequent.
The problem is worrying. I can't help myself from constantly imagining the worst outcomes and fretting about the future, and it's hard to remember many days in my life where these thoughts weren't on my mind. We all go through this, but I believe my case has grown to an extreme.
It seems to never stop. Not only do I just worry about the new school year, but also about my career, my future marriage and how my kids might turn out someday. I worry about events extremely far away that someone my age should not be so concerned about, as well as situations that are out of my control. When I'm given an assignment, I have an almost sickening feeling in my stomach until I know it's over and done with. I must be early everywhere I go, and if a person or traffic is causing me to be late, I almost go into a panic. And now I'm worrying about all my worrying.
I know this lifestyle isn't OK, but I can't figure out how to stop. It amazes me how most people can go throughout their day care-free and happy, having the ability to procrastinate without it driving them absolutely mad. They stress me out even more, but I'd love to be on their level. Unfortunately, calming down isn't as easy as taking a deep breath or running a hot bath for some people. Sometimes no matter what you do, thoughts of the future continue to darken your mind, kill your mood and put weight on your chest. Still, I know this is no way to live. I know something has to be done, and for me it's all mental.
It takes serious work to change, but with the new school year comes new ways. I'm hopeful to begin this fall by not stressing myself out over the what-ifs and instead living in the moment. I refuse to fret over the little things, and I'll focus on the bigger picture. I only have three more years before the real world starts, and I plan to take in every moment I have left without stress' constant shadow over me. The ties will be broken, the weights lifted off, and I'll simply enjoy life. Not just until graduation, but long after. The decision on whether to be happy or not is entirely up to us, and what's the point of making one second worse than it has to be?
Worrying will never change the outcome. It will never get you anywhere. So why stress over what you can't control? Start the school year fresh and put your life in God's hands. No matter what it seems like at the moment, things are going to turn out just fine.