Disclaimer: This article can be triggering to those struggling with eating disorders, relationships with food, and dieting. Please don't read if this content will harm you in ANY way; it is an opinion piece based on my personal experience.

Text "NEDA" to 741741 to reach a 24-hour crisis hotline set up by the National Eating Disorder Association.

Ever since I can remember, I've been big. I was always taller than my classmates and I started gaining weight faster when I entered the 5th grade. I was a really active kid as I played a lot of competitive tennis, but I was never skinny. My shoulders were big, broad and muscular as were my thighs and calves. I always had a little muffin top, but for the most part, I was happy and healthy.

That all changed when I entered high school. It was a new world, one where people constantly ate fast food and out at restaurants. If I wanted a social life, I had to go out to these places. I played for my high school tennis team, but I progressively played less and less tennis as the years went on. I didn't truly intend on playing college tennis, so I didn't train as hard as I did in the past. I didn't really go to the gym either. I was still eating the same, but my activity levels dropped, so I gained weight, FAST. Not to mention the fact that my parents put a TV in our living room and got Netflix, so I lived an extremely sedentary life.

I took a lot of pictures during my senior year of high school and I could barely recognize the face staring back at me. I have a new double chin, and the worst acne I've ever had in my life. Now, I just graduated high school, I barely play tennis, and I'm at my heaviest weight I've ever been. I've lost so much muscle; it's been replaced by cellulite and fat. My 'little muffin top' spills over, my legs are heavy, my feet hurt, my arms are flabby and I am not happy. The body I used to accept, the body that was strong and had visible and defined muscles is gone. But I am not going to wallow in self-pity. My mistakes put me in this position, and it's up to me to fix it.

Ideally, I would like to lose about fifty pounds by the end of the year. So, I have four months and I would ideally like to lose about three pounds a week. Thus, I need to burn more calories and eat more whole plant foods. I found an affordable gym membership and I am trying to make exercising part of my daily routine. My relationship with food is extremely delicate. I have no portion control, I emotionally eat and I binge. Sometimes, I eat two huge plates of dinner and dessert and still barely feel full. Food is like a comfort to me and it shouldn't be my only source of comfort. I have consulted my doctor and while she thinks its a lofty goal, it is possible with the right attitude and plan. My main focus is to lose weight, but it is also to ensure that I feel and look my best. This is a lifestyle switch because I want to lose weight and keep it off for life. I'm not doing those crazy fad diets or cutting out food groups. I plan to eat everything in moderation.

I count calories because it is the simplest way to ensure I am not eating too much and that I burn enough calories during workouts. It's cut-and-dry math, which I can appreciate. While I know it's not for everyone, it's easiest for me. I log my meals in a notebook to track my progress and I Google how many calories are in a food. I am trying to cut my portion sizes in half because I know I eat almost double of what I should as an eighteen-year-old female. It's a journey, and it's something I am hesitant about putting on the Internet for an infinite number of people. But, I believe it's something to be documented and shared and I hope someone can relate my current weight-loss journey.

Remember to work on yourself, for yourself. At the end of the day, you have to live with you.