I was well into the process of growing up before I realized how deeply I crave control. I like to know what is coming next and to have already planned meticulously to prepare for it, and I often find myself getting frustrated when other people get to call the shots on things that majorly impact my life. It can be tempting to feel like we are the only ones who deserve to choose the paths our lives take; after all, we are the ones living them, so shouldn’t we know what is best?

With the passage of time and after lots of plans gone wrong, I have come to realize that being totally in charge of everything in life is not only impossible, it’s also not desirable. In the long run, trying to control each aspect of life is exhausting and disappointing, as it is an unavoidable quality of human life for the unexpected to occur. Most of the time, it is best to do our best with whatever aspects we have full responsibility for and then try to accept that beyond that, life will work itself into some semblance of a balance over time. We can work hard through undergraduate schooling and present ourselves honorably through graduate school applications, but ultimately, we cannot be the ones to make the decision to accept or reject. We can start early on term papers, take them to writing centers and to peers for help and ask professors lots of questions, but rarely do we ever decide which grade we have earned. Even in relationships, we do not hold sole control; you cannot make another person responsive to your actions, and as long as you invest time and attention into the relationship, you are controlling as much as you can.

Control-hungry myself and tired of feeling worn out by my efforts, I was struck when I recently had an employer offer a relevant piece of advice. During a staff pre-shift meeting before a particularly busy night at work, one of our managers reminded us to focus as much of our energy as possibly on “the two things you can always control.” He looked at us inquisitively after making this statement, waiting for someone to supply the two elements. I drew a blank.

Attitude. You can always control your attitude. The way you act in response to what other people choose to do is solely your responsibility and it always will be. It is up to you to decide to be kind and positive, even if your emotions are not in accordance all of the time. You have the power to control your attitude completely regardless of anything or anyone else.

Effort. How hard you try at any given task is also entirely on your shoulders. Barring any physical, emotional, mental, or other barriers, there is nothing stopping you from giving maximum effort except yourself.

In situations where you feel helpless and entirely at the mercy of others’ choices, remember that there is no one who can take these two elements of control out of your hands. Focus on doing the best you can with what you have, where you are. The choice to have a positive and helpful attitude and to give a task your all belongs solely to you.