I was such a good high school student. I stayed on A-B honor roll and stayed out of trouble, mainly because I had social anxiety and didn't really like anyone. Well, all my good grades paid off and I had over $20,000 in financial aid in addition to a full academic scholarship that would pay my tuition. I had it made.
Then I started school and it all changed.
I thought it would be like high school where I could knock out assignments and tests like it was nothing. I was so wrong. In fact, if there was a way for me to be even more wrong than I already was, that's how wrong I would have been.
First of all, nobody told me that I would have to travel back and forth across campus all day long for everything I possibly had to do. I mean, I'm already directionally challenged, but now you want to put me in the middle of a people-filled forest and look at me like "I hope you make it to class on time." When I had to go to a whole different building to take a test, I knew it was too much.
The thing is, I was way in over my head.
I had no idea how much actually went into attending and living on campus. I even did work-study but couldn't even tell somebody what it was I was studying--it was some part of biology--so I drew pictures and played on MySpace most days. For some reason, no matter how I took notes or how many lectures I recorded, I couldn't remember any of the material. The only class I did remotely well in was English; because that's always been my niche.
I was overwhelmed--and afraid to ask for help--that it got to the point where I only attended certain classes part of the time and then not at all.
I finished my work-study program just fine, but the most important part I checked out of. Believe it or not, once my roommate moved out, I lived in the dorm for the rest of the semester without going to class. After so long, I just decided to quit school because I wasn't in it. Not physically and not mentally.
I needed to get my head right and figure out what I really wanted to do.
Did I really belong in college or was I just there because I thought it was expected of me? My study habits were horrible and my time management was worse. What I know now is that it wasn't my time. I had a lot of growing up to do before I could really appreciate the position I was in. So I yes, I gave up everything I had; the crappy dorm room where I was on my own at 18 without rent and freedom of not having to worry about tuition, or even food.
I'm a grown up now.
I don't think I regret my decision no matter how much people couldn't understand it because I wasn't mature enough or focused enough, and I wasn't going after what I was destined to do. My degree was Psychology back then. But now it's Creative Writing, and I wouldn't have written those five books while I was still in school; every last one of them was after I left. I'm almost finished with my Bachelor's and I'm a part of a few groups, two of which are for academic achievement.
I chose to grow first so I could find my path, because I wasn't ready.
Some people just don't belong in certain situations. And as crazy as it sounds, I had to give all that freedom up to find the real me. I needed to live a little. God knew what he was doing.