I’m now in my third year at my university and I can honestly say that I am more confused as to where I am going now than I have been at any other point in my college career. I have a major selected, but I’m not comfortable with it. There are multiple degree programs I would like to choose, but I’m torn between them all.

And then there’s the infamous question that I and every other adult ask: “Will you be able to get a job?”

Satisfying my desire to learn about certain subjects while simultaneously fulfilling the prerequisites for a professional career has proven to be extraordinarily challenging.

Recently a friend of mine asked me to think about the classes I’ve taken thus far and identify which of these I was most excited about. The list was rather eclectic:

Human Sexuality

Intro to Philosophy

Cultural Anthropology

Global Migrations

Foundations of Neuroscience

Abnormal Psychology

I’m currently a “Health Sciences” major. This is a problem.

When I first applied to college I thought that I knew that I wanted to be involved in the healthcare industry. Specifically, I wanted to study and practice alternative medicine. I study complementary and alternative approaches to health and well-being incessantly, but entirely on my own time. My desire to pursue alternative medicine was met with stark opposition. In addition to there being very few professional programs in this nation that prepare students for careers in this field, I was also met with the unfortunate reality of graduate school expenses. If I were to pursue naturopathy, for example, I would likely pay as much if not more for my schooling than if I were to attend traditional medical school.

For a brief period I contemplated medical school because I reasoned that, although working as an MD wasn’t exactly what I wanted, I was still fascinated by the thought of medicine and diagnostics. Also, I told myself that the MD would enable me to branch out later in life and study more alternative methods of treatment. Ultimately I decided against pursuing this path because, among other things, my philosophy of healthcare differs greatly from that of most allopathic practitioners. It would be incredibly difficult and frustrating to practice a form of medicine that I do not believe in, despite it being nothing more than a means to an end.

Presently, I’m still a mess and am riven with indecisiveness. Trying to balance practicality with desire has proven to be incredibly taxing.

More and more I’ve come to realize that money is not necessarily what I’m after. To be sure, I do not want to be so poorly paid as to warrant constant worry, but for a long time now I’ve been of the view that money, while nice, will (and should) come second to my intellectual and personal pursuits.

Who knows? Perhaps I’ll work at a quaint little coffee shop and live in a modest apartment while simply studying what I love in my free time. This scenario has become increasingly attractive as of late.

I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t know what I’m doing. And I really hope that’s okay.