For the longest time, I have been battling with myself about someone who I just cannot get out of my head. It’s almost an obsession that my mind keeps telling me is real, but I know it’s not. I want to not think about this person and I just want to forget everything about them, but everything I do or watch on tv just reminds me of all of our old conversations and I can’t help but to replay them over and over. This person made an impact on my life that is forever embedded in me. Whether most of our time spent together was positive or negative, they cannot escape the entrapment that my mind has put them in.

Is it a crush? Do I have feelings for this person or am I just infatuated with the idea of them? Hell no I don’t have feelings for them. How could I ever even think about that? I think that I just enjoy the idea of what it would be like. I picture our life together, as friends, and it’s all dandelions and roses. I miss our late night conversations, our sleepovers, and even our ridiculous fights over stupid stuff. I constantly imagine what we would be like together and when I snap out of it, I punish myself for thinking about such crazy thoughts, but should I really do that?

Maybe I am just stuck on this person because I have become dependent on them for my own self happiness. For the longest time I turned to them to find confidence in myself and to see what love I really had for improving my self-esteem. Or maybe, I am just in love with the way that they made me feel. They made me feel special. Like I was the only person in the world who they cared for. So I guess it’s not too bad to imagine having that back once again.

Have you ever fallen out of love with a friend? This sounds a little strange, but I think I fell in love with a friendship, but fell out of love with the way I was treated in return. This is the reason that I can’t quit thinking about them, I fell in love with the way they made me feel, I didn’t fall in love with them. I just feel empty and I hope to find a friendship that makes me feel this away again.