Unexpected death. The loss of a loved one. A bitter end to a relationship. Friendships torn apart. The list goes on...

Each of us have found ourselves in the uncomfortable, heart shattering realities of brokenness. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Angry. Familiar moments in time, often brought upon us unexpectedly, sometimes even undeservingly.

Brokenness isn’t permanent. It is not a life sentence. Brokenness is the first step to two life-changing circumstances; change or perspective and healing.

A little hard to believe when you’re in the midst of the storm, right? I, along with many others, are living proof that being broken turns into growth, healing, change of heart and mind, and eventual success; provided you put in the ground work.

Forgive; but don’t forget;

Forgive them. It’s a difficult, gut-wrenching task, but it is absolutely vital to the healing process. Regardless of what they’ve done or said, or how often it’s happened. Even when they haven’t apologized or given explanation. Even when they have no sorrow or regret. Forgive them. You cannot begin to heal as long as you allow hurt, sadness, anger, bitterness, confusion, or frustration to manifest itself in your spirit and mind.

Do not forget. This is a tricky step, and I will do my best to explain the reasoning. Often times, when we forget what’s been done, we open the door for the behavior that hurt us to repeat. By no means do I mean dwell on it, that is toxic and obstructs the healing process. There is a distinct difference between accidental brokenness and intentional/neglectful brokenness. If you find yourself in the latter area, do not set yourself up for failure and repeated damage by forgetting what was done. Forgive, but don’t forget.

Embrace change, even when it forces you out of your comfort zone;

Human nature is to seek comfort. Reality is, many of us choose to remain in our “comfort zone”, even when it’s miserable and harmful.

“Never me. I wouldn’t do that.”

I hope you’re absolutely correct. Many of us, however, remain in toxic relationships, one-sided situations, and selected bitterness just because it is what we know; what we’re used to. We’re terrified of the unknown reality of change, refusing to acknowledge that it provides new beginnings and new opportunities.

If you have no affect on the outcome, let it go;

Often we try to force our hand or create a false reality just to feel some sense of control and make ourselves feel better. This step is probably the most challenging, but if you can’t do or say anything to change the situation, don’t allow it to consume your mind and spirit. Worrying is natural, but can become an illness. I will end this portion with this helpful truth; actions speak louder than words Cliché? Yes. But true. The intentions and priorities of others mirror their actions.

There’s no shame in being broken;

Brokenness is natural. It happens to us all at some point in our lives. Do not believe that you should feel embarrassed or have shame. Acknowledge the situation, reach out to somebody, talk about it, better yourself. Heal. You are not alone. There’s no shame in shedding a tear or two, or thousands. Learn from it. Become better because of it.

Understand what you deserve;

You deserve health, happiness, laughter, comfort, a safe haven. Do not rely on others to provide these for you. If you can’t be happy in solitude, you’ll never find true happiness in others.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve had drilled in your head, you’re important. You have value. Brokenness creates new perspective, don’t hide from it.

Recovering from sudden loss;

I wish there was a singular resolution to this “type of brokenness”; unfortunately, I’ve yet to find it. However, be joyful that you were blessed enough to know and love the one you lost. It doesn’t ease the harshness of loss, but it’s a concrete truth. When the sad moments come like an avalanche, remind yourself of the good times. That one memory that makes you laugh; that story they told that caught your attention; that day that everything seemed right in the world. The best way I know to recover from loss, is to continue to live in a manner that your loved one wanted for you. Reflect on their life and your time with them, but find joy in having been blessed to feel their love.

Brokenness isn’t permanent. Be strong and know that better days are ahead, even if “better” isn’t what you had in mind.