Ever since I can remember I have struggled with my weight and accepting my body. This has been a life long journey, the goal that I have been chasing alongside others; to be skinny. As a teenager I was heavier, I knew I didn't look like the other girls in my school who seemed to be perfect in every way; long legs, blonde, nice clothes, etc. Here I was, stuck in the awkward stages of puberty with extra weight. I was constantly comparing myself to others, hoping someday I would get my "miracle glowup."

The summer before I left for college I dropped about twenty pounds and had never felt better. I was getting compliments from friends and family and was on a high that I didn't want to let go of. I felt wanted, accepted all because I lost some weight, because I looked thinner. I was receiving messages from guys that were "disgusted" with me in high school and would make snide remarks in the hallway. They were now "complimenting" me on my looks and personality. Funny how that works isn't it?

Fast forward to my second semester away at school, I had gained the weight back and more. I was obsessed with my body image and would barely look at myself in the mirror. My self confidence went to an all time low as I was surrounded by the pretty party girls and sorority sisters that would only eat almonds all day (okay maybe not really but that's what they said). I eventually stopped going out because of not being allowed into a party one night because I didn't make the "hot" cut. This was the last and final blow that my mind and emotions could handle. I lost myself for a while, not sure who would ever want me or want to be around me.

All of these toxic thoughts about myself stemmed from being told I wasn't good enough or didn't fit the part. Society is obsessed with this image of a perfect, tall, fit woman. I did not meet any of those standards, being a jaw dropping 4ft 11 with the extra weight- I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. I felt worthless because I did not meet society's standards. This is the issue with the world we live in, and the reason that eating disorders and body image issues exist today. No one talks about how you are treated differently being overweight, people don't care about you.

Fast forward to the present, I have dropped over forty pounds in the last two years, yet I still struggle with my body image.Here are some things I noticed when I lost the weight; people hold the door for you more often, clothing store associates greet you and speak to you, getting messages from old acquaintances complementing your weight loss, people who didn't talk to you in high school greet you like their best friend and so much more that isn't coming to my head right now. The point is, people treat you differently when you are over weight, something we choose to overlook and not speak about.

The anxiety and experiences of being over weight never really go away, Body Dysmorphia makes it even more difficult to accept yourself and who you are. This has been an almost three year journey of falling in love with myself again and believing that I matter and have a place in this world. I have to say that my fiance played a major role in this journey as well, he never left my side or made me feel lesser. I was heavier when we met and he loved and accepted me for who I was, helping me build confidence and love for myself again. That gave me the motivation to want to lose the weight for other reasons, yes to feel better about myself, but to be healthy and enjoy life again. It has been years filled with tears, laughter, fear, but most importantly, self acceptance.

Now, I am not writing this to inspire a weight loss journey, I am writing this to let others know you are not alone. I am going to be corny- but real; you are perfect the way you are. You should not feel pressured to lose the weight, gain the weight, cut the hair, change the clothes, or become someone else. Life is so incredibly short, we should not have to feel bad about ourselves in the process, love yourself and the life that you are in- even on the bad days (believe me, I still have bad days). Just make sure after the bad days you get up and keep going.