Heres how it goes: 19-year-old girl meets 23-year-old boy and is mesmerized by an older "man" liking her. It’s an emotional year-long spiral downward as the boy notes her devotion and uses it as an endless supply of confidence boosting. A lot of that emotion came from other girls, and the fact that he was so close with people he had previously dated. Fast-forward four years and the girl is now 23 and seeing things from the other side. She’s happier, more confident, and stronger thanks to that older "man," and they are friends. Real friends. It took a long time and lot of mistakes to get to this point but they help each other, talk about their new relationships and even laugh a little. It defies all odds: a true friendship between exes.

The girl is smart, so she knows that there is just no way the boy’s current girlfriend doesn’t have an issue with her being such a relevant friend. She’s thought about it many times, but with no issues arising she thinks, “Wow this girl must really trust him, as she should!”

Cut to a groggy Friday morning, one where the girl hadn’t gone out the night before with her friends, as she preferred to stay in, enthralled in a novel. As she turns over on her pink pillowcases and opens up her phone, she notices three Snapchats from one of her friends. When she opens them up, she is surprised to not see her sister but rather a girl she’s never seen before. The first snap caption read, “Remember that time you texted my boyfriend?” The second said, “Do that again and I’ll end you,” and the last, “K?” with a sassy smirk selfie attached to each one. And at first she thinks they must have been sent to the wrong person, but after some careful investigation she figures out who the girl is: her ex’s girlfriend.

So, the girl tattled because she knew she had a friend in her ex and he wouldn’t want this for her, she was sure. However, when she told him she would have simply liked to know that there was an issue, he said, “She’s never said anything, but if there is I’ll let you know.” So…basically…he’s going to double check if he can still be friends with her.

Nah, I’m good.

And with that, a four-year build-up of friendship between exes, one that defied all odds, is shattered. Brought down by unnecessary cattiness and aggression over absolutely nothing. The threatening snaps made the girl feel terrible; not only for herself but also for the girlfriend who had herself wound up when the boy had been nothing but loyal and trustworthy.

So the life lesson here isn’t to avoid being friends with an ex, go right ahead! Just be smart and make sure the friend is a real friend. The real lesson here is to trust that if your person has an ex that’s a friend, they really could be just that. Maybe even to you if you left them.