Let me start this off by clarifying that yes, I do enjoy hockey and no, this article is in no way an attempt to diss hockey or any of its’ fans. . . Go Sioux.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me take you hockey fanatics on a journey. A journey to a place where hockey isn’t a school's most popular sport. Schools like Syracuse, Ohio State, or UConn. Let’s stick with UConn to keep this basketball analogy rolling. You go into it thinking that no one at your school will really go to the basketball games and you don’t expect much from them.

But then you get there. And let me tell ya, you’re in for a treat. No one even follows professional hockey and basketball reigns supreme. They can only name three hockey players; Gretzky (they probably still think he plays too), Crosby, and Ovechkin (maybe some players from their local professional team if you’re lucky).

Oh, you want to watch a hockey game on tv when others are present? You had better have a two-page MLA formatted argumentative paper on why it’s a good idea to watch the game. No matter what you say you won’t convince them if a single basketball game is on somewhere though. What’s that? The basketball game is 85-55 at the half, but the game you want to watch is tied and about to go to a shootout? Oh, that’s too bad, we like the team that’s losing in the game and think they can come back from down by 30 and win this one.

Oh, what was that one? You want to play NHL 17? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. They would rather play any other game. They would literally have no regrets about breaking the disc. Even if you do convince them, they are so laughably bad at the game that you still beat them 8-0 when they’re the Eastern All-Stars and you’re the Coyotes, or the Ice Cats (look them up in NHL 15 and try to win, I dare you.)

Let me make one thing clear- I don’t belong anywhere near a basketball court and have not played a single game of pickup basketball since making the B team of my Middle School basketball team. But if you’re attending UConn and you’re bored on a random Sunday in the middle of winter, you might want to go play some pond hockey or find a nearby rink. Not a single person is going to know how to skate, much less play hockey, so enjoy that one too.

I truly wish there were more ways for me to reiterate how much it truly sucks to be a basketball fan here in this literal ice rink that we live in. Hopefully, I was able to put some fear into your hearts. Make you think of the reverse situation, and maybe, just maybe, convince one or two of you to be more kindly to us basketball fans who huddle together in our rooms watching basketball and playing 2K in every free moment…until we get drunk and accidentally delete all our saved data. Thank you, wine!