It was a normal Friday afternoon. I had spent the morning running errands, and I had just finished my Trader Joe's run and was enjoying my leisurely walk back to my apartment. As I crossed the street on Atlantic, an older woman suddenly lurched into my face. "Oh, it's just an unassuming old, Brooklyn lady, just move past," I thought to myself, like any human being would. That was when she said, “Ugghhh! You’re ugly…..you look terrible,” and I paused for half a second, long enough to register what had happened and then went on my way. It was the same reaction as when I get catcalled, I just move on and try to ignore it. While at first I was shocked by this random, venomous statement from an otherwise innocent lady, I soon laughed it off with friends.

While there are countless reasons why this lady felt the need to share her opinion about my face (LOL), such as a mental disorder or perhaps even an actual opinion, I think that this scenario also showcases a problem among women in today’s society.

When we look to criticize another woman, we often criticize her on her looks. If we are seeking to insult a woman, usually the most dirty one will be an insult on her looks. This is all over the media, whether it be on T.V. shows, movies, or on social media. There’s body shaming, (skinny or fat) causing a culture of hostility between women. Even popular songs illustrate this: Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night,” while Lady Gaga’s Donatella says, “I’m skinny…I’m blonde…I’m rich…” This isn’t Pitbull talking about which girl he hooked up with and how great her body was, this is women going against women. Somewhere along the line, a woman’s looks became a character trait that we need to judge accordingly, along with perhaps smarts or morality.

It's not a new problem. This type of thinking dates all the way back to years ago, when women needed to find men to marry and keep or improve their social status. The criterion: Be beautiful and come from a goody family. Now, we’ve moved away from that type of thinking, but we still have the patriarchally tinged perspective that values women, and arguably men, based on their appearances. This creates a competitive and petty culture, with women trying to outdo other women on their appearances or sensual appeal. We get upset when men catcall us, but then we turn around and rate each other based on our physical traits. In a way, we’re just feeding a culture that allows this behavior from men by turning on each other.

While I’m pretty sure this is not the reason this old lady snapped at me on Court Street (I don’t really know or care, anymore) I think it's useful to illustrate the problem that is buried in our culture. What we need to remember is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and is finite, so it isn’t something to base opinions on or turn against each other for. What are the things that matter? What will empower and convict us to be better citizens and human beings?

I know…crazy, right?

If women are truly worried about the #patriarchy then we need to step back and look at the way we treat each other. If we are petty, throwing around words like “ugly slut” then we are only feeding into treating each other as less than what we are: Human beings. A human being is much more than a face.

Let's start acting like it, shall we?