To the atheist at a religious school:

I came to college thinking that I was uncontroversial. I believed that I would fly under the radar with ease and I thought that the beliefs of those around me would be entirely nonuniform. I was under the impression that everyone had a different experience with religion, even within the same denomination. I was wrong.

I love my friends. I love my school. However, there’s also a strange feeling that I can’t shake whenever I’m on campus. Religion, at a religiously-affiliated school, is like carbon dioxide. It’s everywhere and virtually no one can see it. It’s not bad and it’s not good. It is entirely neutral and here, on campus, it can sometimes feel like it’s smothering you.

I believe that my experiences can serve as a tool, though. If you’re struggling to get along at a religious school because your beliefs don’t match your peers’, then consider the following:

Right and Wrong

There’s a myth that goes around that, if you are the atheist on a religious campus, you will undoubtedly hear. The myth says that morals come from religion. You’ll receive a follow-up question and someone will ask you, “If you don’t have a religion, how do you know the difference between right and wrong?” Well, first, I would like to point out the terrible implications of that question. There are really only a few things that asking that could mean. It could mean that the person doesn’t believe that you have morals. It could mean that the person doesn’t see the application of morals beyond religion. Finally, it could also mean that the person was never given the space to question their beliefs.

Before you give that person the finger, take a deep breath. Usually a question like that, doesn’t quite mean what you think it means.

When the person who approaches you is someone that you care about, consider the fact that they never learned how to question beliefs properly. They’re asking you about morality because they don’t know where their own comes from. Explain to them that morals don’t come from religion, they come from people. If morals came from religion, then Pope Francis and Pope Urban II would be equally moral and they’re not.

When the question comes up, be sure to redirect it to the place that really needs questioning. They’re not asking about you; they’re trying to figure out how religion plays a part in their own life.

Where Is Everyone?

Before going to college, Sunday was the day after Saturday. For the most part, it was the day that I did my homework and saw friends. Partway through my freshman year, though, I noticed that my friends would seem to disappear from the afternoon onward. Texts would go unanswered, meals would be eaten alone and the library — my second home — would fluctuate between being completely deserted and crowded beyond belief.

I was being left out because of Mass. Knowing that I was an atheist, my friends felt that it would be better to simply evaporate. Again, I love my friends. I don’t think that there was a malicious intent that went along with the disappearances. However, I do think that it is reflective of a struggle that the religious at religious schools have when they aren’t asked to confront their own beliefs. I never wanted to go to Mass, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to be lied to. I was confused. I didn’t understand why I was being ignored by my religious friends when they wanted to practice their beliefs. I only realized after addressing the problem with my friends that they simply didn’t get atheism.

The way that they saw my beliefs was starkly different from what I actually believed. They were under the impression that I disagreed on a personal level with their beliefs. They thought that I was the vegan who wrinkles his or her nose whenever anyone eats a burger. They were wrong. I bring that up because I think that it could help you understand what truly bridges the gap between atheists and theists: clarification. If you explain your beliefs, religious friends will no longer see you as the atheist that they constructed in their heads. They will begin to deconstruct the stereotype they’ve built up.

The Missionary

This year, I got into a great conversation with a person that I had never met. They were a friend of a friend, but we hadn’t crossed paths. While speaking with them, I guess I said something that cued them into a difference of beliefs. They asked what my background with religion was and I told them. The conversation went on without any earth-shaking event. A few days later, though, I was told that they wanted to “bring me into the church.” In essence, they wanted to convert me.

They thought that I was “searching.” You’ll probably hear that word quite a bit. Again, it is a misunderstanding of atheism and it’s one that can be especially hurtful. From the perspective of that person, my beliefs were not fully formed, whereas, their own were fully developed. In their mind, I was still looking for theological answers in my life.

I was angry, but I also found it hysterically funny. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was a heathen to that person. Maybe in their mind, they were my savior and I was a lowly unbeliever. The whole thing just seemed surreal. Despite my initial offense at the belittling of my beliefs, though, I realized something else that I found oddly comforting; I didn’t actually care. It wasn’t my burden to bear. I’m entirely comfortable with my atheism and there’s no reason that I shouldn’t be. I realized that I didn’t owe any explanation to others for what I believe. That was, again, not about me. The person simply didn’t understand what my beliefs were.

So, if you’re the atheist at a religious school, I leave you with the following advice: be patient, be clear and be unapologetic about your atheism. The roadblocks that you run into aren’t a result of your beliefs; they are an indication that somewhere along the line, the people that you encounter were taught incorrectly.

Sincerely,

The atheist at a religious school