Little do you know how I still remember the first time I saw you.

Your presence made my heart drop into my stomach. Your piercing eyes and quirky half smile made my head spin. You moved in a gentle slow motion that allowed me to take you in all at once. It was just like the movies.

Little do you know how I was naturally drawn into knowing you.

I had to know you. I have never been so curious about someone at first sight. There was something in the way that you spoke and carried yourself that drew me in. What started off as short introductory conversations and small talk slowly unraveled into hours and hours of deep conversations. I wanted to know everything about you. Slowly but surely I got to know who you are. I gradually caught onto the fact that you were somewhat of a night owl, so I lied to myself and told myself that I was too, just to hear more. I was more awake than ever talking until the sun rose up at 5am, only to fall asleep with the moon disappearing from view. There was no way I could keep my eyes open that late for anyone else but you. It was so natural it just felt right.

Little do you know how I never felt more myself with anyone else.

Something I always looked forward to was driving to any destination with you. Blaring our favorite songs until the speakers cracked in pain was when I was most peaceful. Watching you act like you could dance in the driver’s seat while I sat in the passenger’s seat laughing and acting like I could sing became a hobby between the two of us, like no one was watching. I could say, do, look, or act any way I wanted to and you accepted me. You made me feel carefree. You made me feel funny. You made me feel beautiful. You made me feel me.

Little do you know how quickly you became my best friend.

You were everything I could've ever wanted in a best friend. Someone who shared the same sarcastic, goofy, carefree qualities that I had myself. Someone I could look at and know exactly what they were thinking, and vice versa. Someone I could laugh until it hurt with. Moments of my day became more exciting with the anticipation of telling you all about them, whether insignificant or not. At night I always acted grumpy when I woke up to your 2am, 3am, or even 4am calls to tell me about everything and anything you wanted to, but most of the time that was one of my favorite parts of my day. It might not seem like much, but I quickly got in the habit of keeping my ringtone on at night to wake up and hear your voice.

Little do you know how when you pulled me in for a kiss, I had never been so scared in my life.

Let’s be real, we both could've seen that one coming. Damn, did it make my heart flip inside my chest. All it took was a couple seconds to pull back and see your grin and gleaming eyes for me to give in effortlessly. Whatever was to come from this, I didn't care. Nothing else mattered. I was sucked into pure bliss.

Little do you know how quickly I fell in love with you.

I would find myself wishing for endless moments with you every time I was with you. We didn't have to be doing anything at all for me to want it to never end. I was never one to pay too much attention to detail, but with you, I noticed all of your little quirks that never failed to make my heart race. In my eyes, you were perfectly flawed, and I was your biggest fan. My eyes lit up when people asked about you. Everyone could feel the love I had for you just from the way I would look at you. Even my overly protective and critical parents adored you, and they never liked anyone I brought around. My family loved you and I loved yours. My friends were ecstatic because according to them I had finally found somebody that “deserved me”. What’s not to love about you? You were everything I wanted and I often caught myself questioning how I got so lucky. Questioning how life could get any better than this. Questioning how I could love somebody that much.

And little did I know how you were going to tear me apart when you decided we would never work.

Your words hit me like a train and tore the breath right out of me. The only air that could escape me was loud painful sobs. I felt sick to my stomach with the feeling that a part of me was being ripped away. It took everything in me not to beg, but to stay strong while facing my worst nightmare of losing you.

Little did I know that the pain was going to be never ending.

The heartbreak seemed endless. I couldn't go one minute without you invading my thoughts. My family still asked about you, not knowing any better. My friends looked at me with pity and sadness, always asking how I was doing and offering to kick your ass if it would make me feel better. They couldn't fully understand how I was feeling. Nobody could understand the feeling I had when I was greeted every morning with the sight of the extra toothbrush you kept next to mine for unexpected all-nighters. My days were filled with traces of where you left yourself in my memories. Songs we used to put on repeat, places we used to go, phrases and mannerisms that were once yours but have slowly became mine too. At night I was afraid to fall asleep because I knew you would be waiting to haunt me in my dreams. Weekends with friends that were supposed to be fun always ended with hot burning tears and a drunken mascara smeared face. And it was in these lowest moments that I longed for my heartbreaker to heal and comfort my heartbreak. I was infested with you.

Little did I know that I would still miss you today.

Everyday, I miss you. Everyday, you slip into my mind for a split second or sometimes hours as I shake you out of my head. Everyday, I fight the urge to see how you are doing. Everyday, I fight the urge to give you a call or shoot you a text. Everyday, something reminds me of you. Everyday, It’s a constant battle in my head. Everyday, you are still here. Every day, I wonder if you miss me, too.

Little do you know how I will always wonder.

Maybe I will forget, but maybe I won’t. I don’t know if I will ever find anyone like you again. I don't know if you really are as irreplaceable as I think. I don't know if I will ever stop looking for pieces and signs of you in every boy I meet. Maybe I will slowly forget your piercing eyes and quirky half smile that had me from the beginning. Maybe I will gradually forget our late night talks. Maybe the songs we used to sing along to will get a little bit easier to listen to. Maybe I’ll be able to go to sleep without you waiting in my dreams. You will always be my very own “fairytale that could've been,” but maybe one day I won’t miss you.

Now that you know this, please don't misunderstand.

I might've loved you. I might miss you every day. I might always wonder. Please, don’t take this as me crawling back to you begging on my hands and knees.

You pushed me away and you didn't understand why I left. You hurt me. In fact, you wrecked me. You left me feeling confused, used, and asking myself what I did wrong. Asking myself why I wasn't good enough. I was so blinded with all of the greatness I saw in you that I couldn't accept the bad.

The person I love and miss is not the person who tore me apart so easily in the end without hesitation.

I miss my best friend who could make me laugh without even trying. I miss the boy who was so smart and caring, but wouldn't let anybody know it. I miss the person that made me feel more me.

That is the you that I knew, but there’s also a you that was falling asleep while I was breaking. There was a you that carried on like nothing happened while I was being haunted by memories.

But what I know now is that I can’t make you that I don’t know care. I can’t make you care about me like I care about you. I can’t make you see what I see. Now I know that not all stories end happily, no matter how great it started.

I am not asking for you back. I am not asking for an apology. I am not asking for you to give us a chance. I am not asking for closure. All I ask of you is to give the boy I knew a chance. Find someone who appreciates him like I did. Show him to someone you care for. Give him to someone special.

Because little do I know, I am stronger than I think. I am going to be perfectly okay one day.

And little do you know how you will always be more than a memory, and despite it all, I just want you to be happy.