"I am broken."

I have spent the last year refusing to believe this. I thought I had my entire existence figured out. I told myself that my problems were not really problems. I ignored God. I pushed away friends. I hated myself.

I have been avoiding handling things that need to be handled within myself. I was pushing everyone who made an effort in my life, away. I spent countless hours in my room crying and binge eating a pint of ice cream.

I was putting all the heavy lifting on myself when I really needed to be putting it on God. I was taking on every bit of stress from college myself. Anxiety struck and I couldn't handle anything, including my existence. I have been pretending my problems do not exist and pretending everything is fine. The happy, bubbly spirit was not there anymore.

I was so, so, so sad in a world full of happiness.

But today I'm not. Today I realize that I cannot carry the load myself. You need people to lean on when you're at your worst. You need a mom to call and cry to, sometimes. You need to go out and have fun. You need to love yourself. You need to surrender to God if you want victory.

And for those of you who are struggling with anything similar, here's my advice to you. Acknowledge that God is God and you desperately need Him. Fight in prayer. Cry to your mom. Lean on your best friend. Find what God has planned for you in this mess. Love yourself even when you hate yourself. Look in the mirror and say, "I am broken," and be ok with it. But most importantly, get out of the way and let God do the hard work.

Admitting your broken is hard. It is so hard. But when you do, you'll realize everyone is broken in their own way. Everybody has things they don't talk about. But God knows what is best for us. There are times when we need sunshine and there are times when we benefit from the storm.

So remember, It isn't our job to do the heavy lifting. It is our job to seek Him, trust Him and stand on His word. I've learned that when our eyes are on Jesus, we get Jesus. He doesn't resist. Don't be afraid to trust an unknown future with an all-knowing God.