Dear ,

I'm not sure you know or remember who I am, but you're someone who I think about pretty often. My freshman year at a party you raped me. You took something that wasn't yours without thinking twice. You took precious memories from me. I can't think about my first homecoming as a college student, without thinking about my assault. I can't think of your fraternity without thinking of waking up there scared, confused, and physically hurting. I walked out of that house in a torn dress, while your friends watched. I went back to a small dorm room alone, threw my dress away, and cried. I hid what happened to me for months. I confided in two people, and yet I couldn't say the words for what you did. You took my security. I walked scared on campus for weeks. I was battling all of this within myself because I didn't want anyone to know. I felt ashamed. I felt dirty. You took away of feeling secure in a relationship. For the longest time I was scared that I would be unwanted. While I didn't know you until that night, I get nervous that I'll get close to someone only to have this happen again. For months, what you did to me was a foggy memory that I pretended never happened. But it did. I thought of all the things I did to cause this. You took away my trust in myself. I couldn't help but think of all the ways I caused this or if I didn't do enough to prevent it. Whenever you decided to take my consent for sex away, you took so much more. I gave up. I didn't care anymore about anything. I was hurting and I was angry.

I understand that this was three, almost four, years ago, so why write this now? Since that night, I've thought about the things I would say to you if I ever got the chance. These thoughts sometimes consume my mind. I get angry. I get sad. I used to want to scream when I think about this. I don't want that anymore. I want these thoughts on paper. This should have never been my burden to carry, but it is, and I don't want it anymore. I want you to know I forgive you for what you did. I forgive you for something you may have never thought about after I walked out of your room. I don't want this memory to haunt me anymore. This is something I will still think about, but it won't be something that I allow to hurt me any longer.

You can never return all of the things you took from me so quickly, but part of me doesn't want them back. Because while you stripped me of so many things, over the months and years, I've gained so much more. I'm an advocate. I'm stronger. I'm more aware of the things people go through. I can stand of and fight for all the people who are scared like you once made me. One day you might have children, and I truly hope that this is something you never have to find out has happened to them. I hope that you think before acting now. Thank you for giving me a kind of strength I never thought I could possibly possess.