I am a martyr of my generation. A true hero. A modern Sacajawea, if you will.

Why, you might ask? Because I spent two years living in on-campus housing, in dorms that I routinely refer to as "shoeboxes." I have seen green sludge secrete from concrete walls. I have seen elevators filled with pee and other unmentionable body fluids. I have seen hundreds of disgruntled students exit the building at 4 a.m. in December because a flaming Cup of Noodles was thrown from the 10th floor and set off the fire alarm. And worst of all, I have seen students take out wet clothes from the washing machines and put them ON TOP of the dryer.

We are all a bunch of savages.

After 18 months of living in this utopia, I decided that enough was enough. It was time to embark on my journey into adulthood. And there it was, a light at the end of the tunnel, a bright star in a sky of comets; a house a few blocks away from campus, ready for the taking.

After about a month of living in my house, I've realized all that glitters is not gold. But it's still pretty shiny.

Here are seven things only students who live off campus will truly understand.

1. You can literally survive off of pre-packaged food.
Whether your meals are canned, boxed, or frozen, I can assure you that you will survive long enough to tell the tale. No matter how great of a cook you are, you will soon learn that not only is pre-packaged food cheaper, but it's also a hell of a lot easier than Suzy down the block who ages three years waiting for her crock pot meatloaf to be ready. Before you get all nervous and antsy that you'll be sacrificing your health off campus, remember that there are healthy choices you can make. Canned/frozen veggies, grilled chicken, and veggie burgers are always yours for the taking. Just be smart and choose the food that will help you sustain that healthy body and brain of yours. Unless you're my housemate, then feel free to make an entire can of baked beans and eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And maybe even brunch!

Did you really think I was lying?

2. Grocery shopping is a thing that happens.
Remember when you were, like, 8 years old and you would find yourself in the grocery store with your mom? It was all good fun until you turned around and she was nowhere to be found. You tried to stay calm. "She'll come back soon, right? I mean how far could she have gone? I'll just look for her really quickly." Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and suddenly you were faced with the reality that mommy was never going to return. The grocery store has taken yet another victim and you are left sobbing in the soup aisle in utter despair. Amidst your wails, you see a faint outline in the distance. It's mommy. Holding a box of Teddy Grahams. And suddenly the world is at peace.

This is exactly what it feels like to grocery shop as an adult. The first week of living in my house, I went food shopping and felt accomplished. Until I realized that I bought orange juice with "mostly pulp." Suddenly I was 8 years old again, crying for my mom, as I sipped a glass of juice that was more solid than liquid.

What? I had to drink it. I PAID for it.

Me, when I leave ShopRite:

3. Sexually active housemates.
If you're like me, you've been single for 20 years straight and the only guys that hit on you are a drug dealer named Ray who you met in QuickChek and the cashier at Goodwill. Either way, living off campus only further sheds light on your relationship status, especially when you have really good looking housemates. I'm lucky enough to have a room with paper thin walls that is directly next to the bathroom. Actually, let me make this more clear, directly next to the shower. I can hear when shampoo bottles fall, faucets turn on, or, you know, the slap of skin against the tile. For those four minutes I, too, felt like the prettiest girl in the world.

But hey, congrats, you're killin' it.

4. Neighbors are ruthless.
When you live off campus your neighbors could be other students, or they could be town locals. Either way, it's important to be respectful, regardless of who your neighbors are. Unless if you live next door to Chris Hemsworth, and then, in that case, you should probably ring his doorbell everyday and ask him for a cup of sugar, if you know what I mean. But anyway, some neighbors are really just not about the whole young, college-student mentality and they will make your lives miserable. Or if you're my neighbor, you just play the passive aggressive game and intentionally park your totaled BMW next to the driveway so we have nowhere to put our cars. Sometimes they even let their dog out at 8 a.m. and let him bark for an hour before they let him in. I swear, it's because they know I'm hungover.

I fantasize about doing this to them every weekend:

5. You understand the value of a dollar.
No matter how much smack I talk about campus living, I have to admit that it had its perks. Easy walks to class, dining hall accessibility, and friends who were just a door away. Since living in a house, I realize how much everything costs. Pretty sure we have to shell out an extra thousand dollars in tuition just to breathe the air on campus. But regardless, I now understand how important it is to budget. Money needs to be saved to spend on rent, utilities, grocery shopping, cleaning supplies, toiletries, and gas money. That's not even the entire list! You begin to realize that no matter how much money you have, you're still probably broke. I had some leftover birthday money so I decided to splurge and get a handle of Smirnoff.

"Splurge" and "Smirnoff" should never be in the same sentence. But these are the sacrifices I've had to make.

This is future you crying about your bills:

6. You realize how much you take for granted at home.
I consider myself to be an understanding and grateful person, but at the end of the day, you truly don't know what you've got until it's gone. Initially moving off campus you're excited to have no rules in your living space and you can't wait to get away from it all. But it isn't until you're home alone trying to unclog the toilet that you realize how nice it is at home having your parents take care of the cosmetic problems. You no longer come home to your parents cooking dinner, you no longer come home to a wagging tail, and you no longer come home to a perfectly functioning house. In just one month, I have realized that my off campus house has termite damage, a broken air conditioner, windows that need to be propped open with a can of soup, and a smoke alarm that only works every other day. One piece of advice: call your parents/guardians right now and thank them for all that they have done for you. Tell them you miss the water pressure and the smell of eggs cooking in the morning. Try to get your sobs under control before you call though, apparently parents "get worried" about us.

This what your off campus house will feel like in comparison to the one at home:

7. Freedom.
Welcome to off-campus living, or as I like to call it, 1776 America! Minus the wooden teeth and white people in smelly wigs. Seriously, though. Freedom is an understatement. You want to sit on the couch in your underwear and watch HGTV for six hours? You can. You want to hang up pictures of your dog in the bathroom? You can. You want to funnel a bottle of vodka at 3 p.m.? You can. Seriously, you don't have to worry about RAs or room checks anymore. Except if you're running a meth lab in your basement, expect the police to show up at some point; I can't really help you with that. Bottom line, you have the freedom to come and go as you please, and having people over for dinner or having wine nights at your house is actually one of the best experiences you can have. Use your freedom wisely, and watch your happiness sky rocket.

I'm so free they put me on Mount Rushmore:

Even though I've only been off campus for a short while, I can honestly say it is one of the best decisions I've made in college so far. I have a greater sense of independence than I ever have had in my entire life. I am able to have privacy at all times and I can already see progress in my mental health.

Enjoy living in a dorm while you can because the memories you make will last a lifetime. Just remember that when you're ready to live off campus, things will feel worlds different, but you will slowly learn that you are a happier person who is ready to enjoy the world of adulthood.

To all of my off-campus compadres, let's make these next few semesters ones to remember! And let's try not to burn down our houses in the process.