Do you remember the story of the ugly duckling? The ostracized, runt of the litter that never felt accepted due to his (or her) lack of beauty. It's a bit of a downer, if you ask me. Until I figured out the ironic twist in the story. This particular duckling might be ugly and therefore can't find acceptance from others. But in another context, there is some other duckling that's beautiful, yet maybe not the brightest duckling. And another duckling who might suffer from depression or anxiety. Those ducklings don't deserve to go unloved by others or themselves just like the ugly duckling. They are all ducklings on their way to becoming swans and the journey to loving yourself isn't an easy one. Especially when you feel surrounded by prettier ducklings telling you what you are.

I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about what it means to be loved. Specifically, to be loved by others. I spent a large amount of effort and too many thoughts on figuring out what I can do or say in order to get the good reactions out of everyone. In short, I spent a lot of time selfishly thinking of others. The only reason I thought of others is in hopes that they like who I am. And I will unashamedly say that I am a selfish creature. I crave the attention and the affection from others and too many times it drives my actions.

But what if I started to love myself regardless? What if I replied to my selfish needs with a big, fat "no?" I'm coming around to the idea that the times in which I learn to love myself instead of giving that power to someone else, I actually come out stronger and more secure in who I am. What if I, the ugly, dumb, anxiety-ridden duckling learned that I have the same problem as every other duckling? What if I don't love myself enough?

It's remarkably freeing when I realize that we are all the ugly ducklings. I will never have it all together and it isn't a secret that I'm mostly a hot mess. But I have the chance to stop seeking the love my heart and soul needs in other people, in the other ducklings that point out my ugliness. I can learn to love myself for the life I have and the traits I own. Loving myself is undoubtedly an "easy said, harder done" scenario, but we are all works in progress, and our self-love should be too. If it was easy then the duckling would have hatched a swan and saved himself the heartache. But we aren't all so fortunate. That's why I'm going to say "no" next time I think love from others will fill all the holes and mend the self-doubts. It's time that I took matters into my own hands and showed the world that regardless of my deficiencies, I love myself, and that is the most important part of this story.