If you fit any of the following criteria, that means you should vote for Donald Trump!

1. You're a racist.

You've listened to Donald Trump speak condescendingly about other races and agree with him 100 percent. You think the immigration of Muslims into the United States should be completely banned for "national security" reasons. Furthermore, you think every Muslim is a terrorist and the Quran is an instrument advocating terrorism. Oh, and don't forget that every undocumented person in America is obviously a Mexican and we should have the U.S. Army forcibly deport them to Mexico. All illegal Mexicans are criminals, rapists, and are stealing American jobs and hurting our country. Let's not even get started on China and its problems.

2. You're a misogynist.

You agree with Donald Trump's comments in the past regarding women. You think women are "fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals," and this may or may not be only regarding Rosie O'Donnell. You find it appropriate to tell a woman on a television show watched around the country that it would be pretty to see her on her knees. You think Trump was absolutely correct in publicly attacking and humiliating a female reporter for speaking the truth about him, because that's just mean and she was probably on her period. Who is she to question Donald Trump? And comeon, what's all the fuss about women making 79 cents per each male dollar? Women should be grateful they make as much as they do when they don't deserve as much as the hard-working men of this country.

3. You don't care about the future of America.

I mean, come on, who needs an actual politician to be President? Politicians are so overrated anyway. We could use a multi-billionaire businessman and reality television host. Who better to go up against the likes of Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un than Donald Trump? Those two bad boys would never dare challenge Trump in anything other than a game of Flappy Bird, because they know Mr. Trump is trigger-happy and would walk around with a portable nuclear bomb launcher. Besides foreign policy, who better than Trump who knows how to help a struggling middle class, especially because he's been in financial hardship before when he had to ask his father for a small loan of a million dollars? Such a pity of him having to ask for such a small loan, right? The rest of us with student loans or mortgages empathize with Trump and his financial struggle. Donald Trump's plans are definitely going to leave our kids an America that is even better than it is today.

4. You agree that whites are treated poorly in America.

Is it even necessary to explain this? Do you see how poorly the white race is being treated in America? Frankly, it's an outrage. White men founded this great country and now they're being insulted, shot while unarmed, jailed for nonviolent acts, racially profiled, and even prejudiced against in the college admissions process. Why does an African-American student get to take the place of an equally intelligent white student at Harvard University? And why were there no white players in the NBA All-Star Game? That's not fair to white basketball players; they deserve an equal chance, too. Donald Trump will bring white privilege back to its former glory; before him, whites were targeted by African-Americans, Hispanics, and every other nonwhite race.

5. You're stupid and politically uneducated.

You judge a candidate based on their controversial comments and popularity in the media. You think Donald Trump's plan to build a wall along the wall—paid for by Mexico—is going to keep the illegal immigrants out of the country. You think stopping Muslims from entering America is going to end terrorist attacks in the United States and stop ISIS from killing innocent people. You don't think a country's leader should be someone with actual political experience instead of a reality television star. You don't think it matters that Donald Trump flip-flopped between the Democratic and Republican parties throughout his life, and maybe in the middle of his term as President he might decide to become a Democrat again and betray the American people. You don't normally vote on Election Day, but this year you want to vote just because what Trump says is funny and entertaining and how much harm could one person possibly do, right? And above all, you just couldn't care less about politics, so hey, why not vote for Donald Trump?