In July of 2015 the beautiful Jess Glynne* released a song called “Don’t be so hard on yourself” and I immediately loved it. The song explains going off to college and figuring out who you are to a tee. So here's a list of some lyrics that hit home for a lot of us college kids.
1. "Came here with a broken heart that no one else could see. I drew a smile on my face to paper over me. The wounds heal and tears dry and cracks they don't show."
Because who didn’t get to college with a little baggage. I know I showed up with a long distance relationship doomed to fail. Needless to say, it didn’t work out and that really brought me down, but I still went to class and pretended everything was fine until it finally felt like it was.
2, "Let's go back to simplicity. I feel like I've been missing me. Was not who I'm supposed to be."
Then there’s the I’m finally free, let’s do something crazy phase. Yeah, we’ve all been there. We get here and of course we try to be studious but let’s face it; Purdue is not easy. We’re at this point where no one is telling us who to be and for a bit we kind of flounder trying to decide for ourselves. For me this phase was long, unflattering and I should probably regret some of it a little more. Afterwards, however, we get to know ourselves a little better and who we want to be.
3. "I felt this darkness over me. We all get there eventually. I never knew where I belonged."
There are 40,000 students at Purdue. It’s pretty easy to feel alone or down. Whether it directly affects you or not, the dark cloud of depression finds its way to a lot of us. The campus is so big and finding a place to feel like you belong is not always easy. Many people find their place in Greek life or major-related clubs. Some get jobs and others just make great friends. Depression and stress are hard to handle so it’s pretty important to find a home away from home.
4. "But I was right and you were wrong, been telling myself all along."
This is the part of the song where I inevitably am screaming the words. The person who knows you best is you. Maybe sometimes it does not seem that way because our emotions and actions cloud how we see ourselves. During Boiler Gold Rush they lecture on self-advocacy because we are adults now and we have to take care of ourselves. I personally have changed my major twice and I still am unsure about it. Every time I question my decision I call my mom and when she has nothing to contribute I realize I know me best. No one else can make decisions for me and no one else knows what is going on in my head or why I do what I do.
5. "Everyone trips. Everyone falls."
Even after getting settled in and finding our niche, we all still make mistakes here and there. We underestimate how hard a course will be and go out a few too many times. But the point is WE ALL DO IT. It is okay to like the wrong person or sleep through a shift at work here and there. Making mistakes is how we learn and that’s what we are here for. Learning material in class is only half the battle in college. The other half is finding yourself and how to be successful individually.
6. "Learn to forgive. Learn to forget."
Speaking of liking the wrong person, it is fine to do it but it is not cool to let it drag you down. This is the biggest lesson I have learned since coming to college. I thought I had found someone so perfect for me that only Heaven could be responsible for putting him in my life. So imagine my surprise when he thought the same thing about someone else. Previously, I had never been one to forgive and forget but I decided not to let his decisions impact my own. I immediately forgave him and we remained acquaintances. Although it still really sucked and I may or may not have shed a few tears it was so much easier choosing to let it go than to try to figure out why on earth someone would treat me the way he did. The fact is sometimes people are not going to treat you right and holding it against them only hurts you.
7. "Won't let my heart, my heart turn into stone."
After we have that encounter with the wrong person, or more accurately those several encounters, sometimes we shut ourselves off to the emotions. The strongest people I know are the ones who get their heart broken and never shy from another chance to fall in love. Having your heart broken is awful and messy and quite frankly it is not easy to recover from but eventually the pain subsides and you are willing you find someone who could not dream of breaking it again. As a sophomore now I effectively avoided any kind of commitment until this fall and even now being with someone new scares me to death but I do not want to miss the chance to find someone who makes my heart happy just because some jerk a year ago did not appreciate what he had.
8. "I'm standin' on top of the world right where I wanna be."
Honestly though, college is a great time, one of the best of our lives. We worked hard to get here and I know I would not want to be anywhere else right now. There is endless freedom, opportunity, fun to be had and, of course, responsibilities. But being adult is scary so I plan to make the most of the time I have as a college student.
9. "But hearts break and hell's a place that everyone knows."
Just to reiterate, we are all going through this stuff and we are all making mistakes as we go. Sometimes just knowing we are not alone is all we need to get through the tough times.
10. "Don't be so hard on yourself, no."
I am my own worst critic. I feel like everyone else is working harder, studying more, doing better, more involved and more full of emotions. But this journey is mine and that means that it does not matter what others are doing as long as I am working to better myself.
11. "I learned to wave goodbye, how not to see my life through someone else's eyes."
At some point we find our way in this place and we say bye to the negatives that have been bringing us down. We try to avoid new ones and we finally understand that part of being yourself is not constantly hoping to be what someone else wants. Also we realize that no one can define us, not a label or a person. As Ke$ha once said “ We are who we are.”
12. "It's not an easy road but no, I'm not alone."
Seriously, you are not alone.
13. "So I, I won't be so hard on myself no more."
Because college is plenty hard enough without being your own worst enemy.
* In case you’re not sure who Jess Glynne is, she also sings “Hold my Hand” featured in many sorority recruitment videos last fall and has collaborated with Clean Bandit twice to produce “Rather be” and “Real Love.”