College is a time where you can really explore your interests and find out what you want in life. I’ve been discovering what I like to study, how I like to spend my spare time, who I like to be friends with, and so much more. In my discoveries, I’ve come across these barriers that even I cannot break through. There are some things that women just cannot do. A woman cannot:

1. Be a programmer

This is originally what I wanted to do, but I've found that women are simply not logical enough to code. We all know how emotion-driven women are. There is no way that you can have emotions and also have logic, so coding is out of the question for women. Men, who are driven by society’s standards of masculinity to never have emotions at all, are much more suited for this type of logical work.

2. Do math or science

This is similar to the coding argument: women just aren’t good at math and science. Why do you think these fields are so heavily populated by men? It’s because women are unable to comprehend the complex concepts in these areas.

3. Enjoy the Star Wars movies

I foolishly expressed interest in watching Star Wars: A New Hope, but a classmate of mine set me straight. He looked at me incredulously for a second and said, “You like Star Wars??” and that’s all the convincing I needed. I was not going to be able to understand or enjoy the movies, so I didn’t even bother to try watching them. I think the image I selected was from Star Wars, but I don’t know for sure because I’ve never seen it!

4. Hold an elected position

This should go without saying. Women are too warm and loving (which is why we love them, obviously). They are unable to fight for what needs to be done. They are more likely to let people off with warnings instead of punishing them, and they are downright untrustworthy and unreliable because of all those emotions and hormones. The woman in this image couldn’t even stick to the appropriate interview topics and started talking about her hairstyle change.

5. Participate in sports

Nobody wants to watch women play sports. It’s just not as interesting as watching men play sports. Also, women are more likely to get injured because they’re so much more dainty and delicate than men are, and it’s not worth the risk. Since it’s only men and not women who should be strong and have good endurance, women don’t even need sports.

6. Start or run clubs and organizations

Leadership is out of the question for women. Nobody will listen to a woman or take orders from her, so any organization run by a woman would fail immediately because she wouldn’t be able to keep order or get anything done.

7. Change a tire

First of all, women should not be driving (too emotional and hormonal, remember?) so they should never be in a situation where they have a flat tire without a man to change it for them. That said, women’s hands and arms are too small and weak to do anything like changing a tire.

8. Defend herself

Once again, I will remind you that women are frail, docile, delicate creatures that are physically no match for a man. There is no way that a woman who is smaller, weaker, and sweeter than a man could ever stand a chance against him.

9. Fix things that are broken

Women do not have the logic, knowledge, and the manual skill necessary to fix broken things (anything from children’s toys to machinery to electronics). Also, our hands are too delicate.

10. Buy herself a car

A salesman would probably rip her off and give her a terrible deal on the car. It is much more prudent for her father or her husband to buy the car and allow her to ride in the passenger seat (see above point that women shouldn’t drive).

11. Have her thoughts published

Come to think of it, women should probably never speak their minds. You never know what will happen when women are able to get their voices heard. I should probably leave my position as a Content Creator and Editor-In-Chief for a major social media sharing platform, because you never know what crazy, hormone-induced articles I might publish.

Disclaimer: If you got to the bottom of this article and hadn’t figured out that it’s satire, please know that I believe absolutely none of these things. In doing research for this article (yes, I Googled “things women can’t do”), I came across some articles that were so misogynistic that they made me want to vomit. I had to stop researching.

Women are strong. Women are smart. Women are powerful. Don't ever forget it.